Still not my plan

I was reading through my journal entries over the last 10 months. Looking back always causes my jaw to fall to the floor. The way God writes stories and brings everything together is just amazing to me. He must get quite the kick out of watching us try to make sense of the future and arrange our puny insignificant little plans.

I could not hold back the smile on my face as I read past entries with my current understanding of what was to come. I had no idea. I never could have guessed. I never could have planned this. I remember being oh so confused after our house sold and we had no idea where to go. None. We were sitting in what felt like silence trying to figure out what had just happened. With hindsight I can see it was not silence at all. We just had to take our hands off our ears and stop yelling to hear the answer.

I can remember the exact feeling of doing just that: being still and changing my will to listen.

Peace.

The moment I stopped and truly allowed myself to accept what I thought I didn't want, all I could feel was peace. It was instant and overwhelming peace. And it turned out what I didn't want was actually exactly what we needed.

Here we are again. All of this time Brad and I have scurried around trying to find a way to travel to China together. We have good reasons. Logical reasons. But yesterday we came to the place we needed to take our hands off our ears and stop yelling to hear the real answer: Brad needs to stay home. Not because it is less. Not because it is not possible for another miracle to allow him to go. Not because we don't want him to go. But because it is the right answer.

Peace.

Even after all we have experienced in the past 8 months: moving, paperwork, logistical hurdles, and, hello?, almost $40,000, we are still learning this is not about what we think is best for our family. This entire journey has been about what God knows is best for our family. Our Heavenly Father knows every single individual participating in this story. He knows me, he knows Brad, He knows all 8 of these children, and he knows all of the amazing individuals he has called to help, support and contribute over the past 8 months. He knows the absolute best scenario to benefit us all.

Being the stubborn and weak humans that we are it took a couple slaps in the face to get our attention. An unpredictable electrical gremlin took over and the tail lights on our blue van stopped working. Bessie has had to sit in the driveway that last few weeks since we don't want to spend the money on a big vehicle repair when we are unsure how to finish our adoption expenses. We discovered a roof leak in our bedroom after the crazy rains we've been having. Brad was able to stop the leak. But the repair is not complete because, you guessed it, we don't want to spend the money on the supplies.

My view of the ceiling over our bed. The first thing I see in the morning and last thing I see at night. Sigh.

Our washing machine died day before yesterday. It really needs to be replaced (it is 16 years old!) but, right again, we don't want to spend the money on it. And we still do not have beds for our new sons to sleep on when they arrive home because the priority to get them here is ahead of the issue of having a place for them to sleep. It's interesting the things you 'can't afford' when trying to get your children home is the priority.

What 14 year old boy doesn't want purple bows on the walls and lace trim around the window? And bedroom furniture is overrated, right? At least they have a room...

On top of the waiting expenses, there was a miscommunication regarding our tax return and a miscalculation regarding our remaining travel fees that came to light yesterday. And as we discussed the adjustments that will be coming to our family budget with the addition of two more mouths to feed, two more bodies to clothe, and the energy cost of two more children in our home, we realized just letting the last couple expenses fall onto a credit card or trying to find a loan is not the right answer either. We must find a way to complete this adoption without debt. Cash must be in hand.

Interestingly, our decision for Brad to remain home, in the end, had nothing to do with money. We have quickly found inexpensive fixes and solutions to almost all of the challenges that popped up. The money was just what we needed to change our focus and consider the big picture. After seeing almost $40,000 come together in 8 short months, this cannot be about money. If God wants Brad on that plane, the $6,376 needed to finish the adoption will show up somewhere in the next two weeks. The numbers just gave us reason to stop and question our motives. Was it really the best option for everyone involved for both mom and dad to be gone 3 weeks? Were we focused on the right thing? As soon as we were ready to ask, the answer was already waiting.

Peace.

So, Brad will be staying home and I will be traveling to China. Not our plan. But exactly what everyone needs.

My little fighter

This past soccer season Amber discovered her inner animal. When the outdoor season ended she had the opportunity to continue on with indoor soccer. By the second session of indoor she was playing for two teams. The fire was officially lit.

About two weeks ago some of Amber's teammates started talking about competitive soccer tryouts. Amber asked if she could try out too. Now, I am not one to ever tell my kids they just can't do something. But, to be honest, my initial thought was: it'll be a waste of time, she's just not ready. Instead I told her she would have to work hard to be ready and, even if she did everything she could, she might not get selected. Competitive soccer in our area is exactly that: very competitive. But she was determined: she wanted to try out.

For 10 days before tryouts Amber asked every day without fail if we could practice. It rained almost every single day. She was undeterred. We practiced in the wind, rain and mud. I have never seen such determination from my sensory sensitive little fighter. Situations that would normally send her into a fit of tears were met with fierce determination. I was in awe.

Covered in mud with a hug smile on her face every day for over a week.

Ten days passed much faster than expected. And Amber showed marked improvement. But I knew we would still be hard-pressed to earn a spot on one of the teams.

The first day of tryouts came. Amber got a little too caught up in her head and did not perform as well. My observation of the returning players was disappointing at best. The first words I heard out of one of their mouths was from one returning player to another, "Did you see some of the girls who showed up to tryouts? Oh my gosh! What were they thinking?" (Insert disdain and disgust here) I was shocked and flashed the little snot a strong 'mom look' before walking away. She hadn't seen me behind her and sheepishly changed the subject. But I was floored. From the very moment the girls arrived it was crystal clear who had played on the competitive team the season before. They warmed up separate from the other girls and made it very clear they were quite proud of themselves. I thought that kind of stuff only happened in the movies.

The first tryout day was not ideal. Amber didn't know a single girl there. None of her friends ended up trying out. New situations always tend to stop my girl in her tracks. Amber just didn't perform to her ability. And she shared with me later more than one of the other girls had been unkind when she made a mistake. I would not have blamed her for not wanting to return. Tryouts were scheduled Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The girls were required to come to a minimum of two tryout days. We do not participate in organized team sports on Sunday so we planned to come back Monday.

Monday it was pouring. I don't mean raining. I mean a steady, unwavering downpour. I asked Amber if she wanted to go. I actually left room for resistance (truth be told I was not looking forward to standing in the rain for 90 minutes). She was undeterred. She assured me there were spots left on the B team and she wanted her chance to prove she could do it.

She came to the second tryout ready to fight. All of the jitters from day one were gone and she looked great. She played her little heart out and 90 minutes in the freezing rain had no ill effect on my little fighter.

Unfortunately, as this was the 3rd day of tryouts, there were about 14 girls left to compete for only 3 spots. She looked great. But not great enough to beat 11 girls. Amber did not get an invitation.

But, man, what a fight from my girl!

Family Pics

My amazing and wonderful daughter agreed to babysit free of charge for a friend who does some photography. It was a win/win really, as Caity LOVES to babysit anyone other than her siblings. But we were able to finally get some much needed family photos.

For any of you out there asking the question: yes, we wanted family pictures before bringing the new boys home. In the 18 months that Justin has been home we have not had the opportunity to get a family portrait. I have made sure that each one of the kids has a family picture with them in it before our family dynamic changes. Our family was perfect before the new additions. And it was perfect again after the new additions. No one gets 'skipped' or is a less important part of our family. Each one of them is so very important.

It is getting a little harder to get all 8 family members to look and smile at the camera. But we did pretty good.

 Thank you, Caity!! And shout out to Alexis Shaeffer Photography.

The Home Stretch

We have about 4-5 weeks left before travel. Four to five weeks! I can't believe how close we are. Many people have asked us over the past two weeks if it is too late to give? My heart swells every time to see more friends waiting in the wings eager to help. My friends, we are close, but we are not there yet. There is plenty of time to participate in the last few miracles.

We feel confident we have reached the point that both boys will be traveling home at the same time. No more heartbreak over the idea of leaving Aiden until we could raise the funds to return. We are close enough (probably within $2,000) to the financial mark needed to get them both home that we are just moving forward as if the money were already there.

We also received miraculous news this week regarding orphanage donations. We were originally told not to ask Nathan's orphanage for a reduction as his orphanage never says yes and would be offended by the request. We were, however, encouraged to ask Aiden's orphanage. Last week Aiden's orphanage said no to our request of a reduction or waiver. We did not lose all hope. But I will admit this was a difficult moment.

Then the miracle came: Our agency received news that the director at Nathan's orphanage had changed. There was a feeling that perhaps the new director would be more open to a waiver request. We were nervous to ask. It is not our desire to offend anyone. We understand the significance of these donations and why they are required. So, we prayed and sent the request off.

Thursday the response came: the new director had approved a complete waiver! We could not believe it and jumped around like giddy little kids. This is absolutely the deciding factor in Brad being able to travel with me. We have fasted and prayed over this one for months.

We also received great news regarding our tax return. We were anticipating a healthy return but did not want to count on it before all of the final numbers were in. Yesterday we were able to get our taxes back from our CPA and our return is what we had hoped for.

At this point we only have about $2,200 left to raise before we leave. There is still the variable of travel costs because we cannot count on any of the numbers until we can book flights and hotels. But our estimates show we should land close to this estimate.

So what's the plan for the last $2,200? I'm glad you asked! We are searching for every possible way to cut costs on this trip. If you or someone you know has access to airline miles or Marriott points please share our story and let them know a donation of miles or points could be the difference to bring 2 boys home!! We will be booking flights and hotels in about 2-3 weeks so time is of the essence.

We are still looking for handyman side work for Brad. If you or someone you know has a project sitting please let them know hiring Brad will not only get them an amazing finished project, but they will be helping to bring 2 boys home! Brad has done everything from ceiling fans to new garbage disposals to water heaters to new windows to interior and exterior doors to landscape work to flooring repairs to dry rot repairs to drywall patching to you name it, he has probably done it.

Our GoFundMe page is still up and running as well as our LiftingHands account (see links below). Please continue to share our pages on social media.

And last but certainly not least, we want to ask our friends and family for continued prayer. None of the miracles over these past 8 months have come as a result of our efforts. This has been Our Father's story all along. All of the glory and praise goes to Him. Please join us in lifting these final needs to Him. He has already planned and prepared a way.

click this link to go to our lifting hands page
copy and paste this address to share:
http://www.liftinghandsproject.org/krinke.html

click this link to go to our GoFundMe page
copy and paste this address to share:
www.gofundme.com/bring-nathan-and-aiden-home

It has been too long

I'm not sure why it has been so long. I think we just got 'busy'. We are always busy. But we allowed ourselves to get too 'busy' for outings. Oh, how I have missed outings.

This is where we belong. Fresh air. Open space. An adventure just waiting for discovery.

So fun to still have a couple littles who will smile on cue for the camera.

The amount of water flowing over the falls and the in river itself was impressive. We came to this same spot when Jacob was little and the falls were more of a trickle. This hike was very rewarding.

My boys. Oh, my boys.

When we reached this spot and could see the bridge near the car I hear the first, "My legs are tired." It was the perfect hike.

The Mountain is calling

Another perk of home schooling:

field trips...

field trips to the mountains...

field trips to the mountains for skiing!

Oh yes, it's true. Jacob was able to enjoy a half-day lesson. Correction: I was able to enjoy a half day on the mountain!

He was so dang excited!

Alex and I were so dang excited too!

He's not what I would call a 'natural'... but he was smiling and squealing "weeeeee!" the whole way down. He LOVED the half day class he did. They had unending juice boxes and snowballs! That's all he needed.

Right after class and still so excited!

A little work with mom got him at least standing independently. I suspect the perfect 'pizza' will come after we have regained range of motion in his ankles. Serial casting here we come!

We ended the day on the meadow playing with toy trucks he brought, throwing snowballs, and climbing little snow mounds. It was a great day!

Not always small and simple

I may have mentioned this before. I can't remember. It seems to be getting harder to remember things lately...

But I do remember vividly a conversation around the table in Beijing, China. It was a Pizza Hut. We and the families traveling in our group had not yet gone to pick up our children. It was just us adults around the tables (the girls were sitting together with their friends traveling with us.) I don't recall how the subject came up. But someone mentioned adoption fundraising. Two or three of the families at the tables were dual income families. None of the families participating in the conversation had more than one child at home. Two of the families were first-time parents. The conversation proceeded and a statement was made of how ridiculous it was that some families would chose international adoption when they were clearly not prepared financially to do so. One person said incredulously, "I've even heard of families collecting recyclables!"

We had collected recyclables as one of our many fundraisers to get Ty home.

But we laughed along with them and just flashed each other some looks they wouldn't recognize. They didn't know. They did not know that even though we could comfortably support another child in our family with our healthy budget, we didn't have $36,000 set aside before beginning our adoption. They didn't know that God had called us to our second adoption just days before Brad lost his job and we went without pay for 11 weeks. They didn't know that we had been promised a way would be made if we could move forward in faith. They didn't know that, when God calls, money is the last thing to be concerned about.

Ty's adoption taught us that every single penny counts. We literally inched our way through fundraisers pennies, nickles, and dimes at a time. And yet we were never short at any point in the process, there was always just enough. I think our largest fundraiser was our chili cook-off/silent auction/event extravaganza which raised less than $1,800. For the most part we really did rely on spare change, recyclables, and garage sales.

This time around we have been learning a completely different lesson. We have been blown away again and again as friends, family and even complete strangers have donated $200, $300, $500, $650, $1,000 and even $2,000 at a time. We were so thrilled to receive our $5,000 grant. Every penny still counts. And we get just as excited about the $20, $50 and $100 donations. But we are seeing that our God can bring big miracles. His resources are unlimited. And the faithful response of those who feel moved to give so generously has been humbling.

The average garage sale we put on during past adoptions would raise about $600. To have a single donation come in at this amount over and over again has brought tears to my eyes. Those fundraisers represented hours and hours and hours of planning and preparation. When we began this adoption in July I realized that I simply did not have the time to organize these type of events. As we have continued forward through the process and our own savings and monthly contributions have maxed out I agonized over the fact that there was nothing for me to 'do.' I wanted to do something to contribute. Needing to be still and simply wait has been so much harder than fighting tooth and nail like we did for Ty. I am learning that having the faith to make a way and having the faith to allow the way to happen is very different.

I believe that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass, but I also believe in a God of miracles.