Everyone Wants to Know

So, this is going to be a long one. But since my post this morning, I have received no less than a dozen inquiries demands for more information. Who is this boy? How old is he? How did you hear about him? Why are you interested in adopting a teenage boy!? How are you going to pay for this?

Everyone is SO supportive and excited, but they are asking all the same questions we have been asking ourselves and our Father in Heaven, so I thought I should share.

Let me begin by saying we need to be careful about what we share about our son. We need to respect his country's laws and safeties that are in place to protect their children. We need to respect and think of our teenage son who is going to be able to read all about this someday soon and will be sensitive to what was said about him. I will not be sharing details about him here.

But, I can tell the story of how this came to be, because that is our part of this story.

In April of this year we excitedly announced that our fundraising to bring Ty home was complete. We had done it. We had all the monies needed to get Brad and I to China and back with our boy. We expected to travel in May or June. For some reason we both started to feel as though we needed to take Caitlin and Amber with us to China.

We had considered taking Caitlin to Russia on our last trip in 2012. Finances were tight then too, we knew we would just barely be able to cover the expenses for Jacob's adoption and travel costs, so we decided against it. We have regretted that choice of not taking her ever since.

Before we began the process for China we talked about taking the girls but once we discovered the timing and the need to raise funds just to get Ty home, we decided it just couldn't be done.

But, April 7, after crossing the fundraiser finish line for Ty, our hearts were burdened by this idea of taking Caitlin and Amber. We needed to do it. Not because we wanted to. Not because it would be a fun trip. But because we felt distinctly that they needed to be there. There was a higher purpose.

So we decided if we could make the money on our own, not asking anyone to give, with enough time to get their passports and airline tickets, we would take both girls.

Side work poured in for Brad. He worked 8 consecutive 70-80 hour weeks. The kids and I missed him and my family started to question why he was working so much. But he did it. We had the money we needed to take both Amber and Caitlin.

Caity's family birthday party. Her pen-pal from North Carolina who was going to be traveling in our group was able to share the surprise in a birthday card.

Just a few weeks after returning home from China Caitlin asked if we could adopt an older brother. I was shocked. One of the only limits we had ever set for our adoptions was to not surpass the age of our oldest (Caitlin). Not only would it be beyond our parenting experience, we assumed it would be difficult for her. I expressed this to her and she made it very clear she was not comfortable with an older sister, but she wanted an older brother. She had seen teens in Ty's orphanage who will never have the chance to join a family. She felt our family would be perfect for a teenage brother and she wanted to share the love we have here.

I told Brad and we both thought it was interesting but dismissed the idea. Most teens abroad age out between 14 and 16 years of age. By the time another year or two went by (what we assumed would be the timing of our next adoption) Caitlin would be 14 and it would be too late to start the process for a child older than her. We were discussing the possibility of a domestic adoption since it would give us the opportunity to recover financially and there are so many children right here in our own state who need a loving family. International teen adoption just really wasn't anywhere on our radar so we moved on.

Also within a week or two of arriving home from China, Brad and I began discussing a feeling of a change coming. We both acknowledged it and kept our eyes and ears open. We knew Heavenly Father had something in mind and was asking us to be ready. We discovered job opportunities, new housing opportunities, and a refinance opportunity. Some new challenges came up with some of the kids and amazing provisions became available for us to meet their needs. We could feel each step coming and going but we could not figure out what the end result was going to be. Is this it Lord? Is this what you want us to be ready for?

Then a friend who we had met in China made a post to Facebook. She had adopted one of Ty's friends, an 11 year old girl with Cerebral Palsy who was very attached to Ty. They had adopted through a different agency but we saw them several times during our trip. We had become Facebook friends before our travel and kept in touch about the kids after arriving home. Three years ago this same family had adopted a little boy internationally. Their son's older brother was now at risk of aging out. She asked if anyone knew someone considering a teen adoption to please mention this boy.

Something struck me. I have had these feelings before and honestly, I was reluctant and a little agitated by the feeling. So I waited.

A few days later I messaged my friend about this boy she had mentioned. I found out he had been hosted in the United States and there were many families who loved him and new much about him. She sent me an out of focus picture and some more information. I mentioned him to Brad for the first time. He asked me to send the picture. We have both known with our first two adoptions the very instant we laid eyes on our sons' pictures that they were indeed our sons. It is hard to explain but true.

Brad did not respond with the, "That's our boy!" I was expecting. In fact, he was rather quiet.

So more time passed and I asked my friend about this boy again. She gave me a link to more photos and it happened. It was not blurry. It was not hard to see. My son was looking at me from the photos. I sent another text message to Brad with this new picture. His tone immediately changed. I was driving home all by myself after dropping Jacob off at preschool and I started to pray. I spoke the words out loud, "If this is not your will, please close this door before me." The moment the last word left my lips it felt as though someone had turned the volume of the radio up and I heard these words:

"God put a million, million doors in the world for His love to walk through. One of those doors is you." 2:02 in the video:

The Spirit overwhelmed me and I sang along through tears at the top of my voice to the rest of the song knowing that I had been given the answer I needed.

Brad and I were suddenly sucked into a tornado of questions and discussions. We talked non-stop for days about what this would mean. How? What about this? What about that? Could we really? Are we crazy?

You all know the results of the discussion. This is our son. We are ready and willing to do this all again. For our son. Because we love him and because we were chosen to be his parents.

Tradition

It all started with Caity. She was two. I remember it like it was yesterday. Someone had given me a cute little pair of red rain boots. It was the first rain of the season and so we went to the elementary school to splash in puddles. I honestly don't recall if we have done it every year since. But it is definitely a tradition we have repeated with all of the kids.

Caity wore the red boots before the day and age of the regular use of cell phone cameras. So I don't have her picture stored on my computer. But I did find a few others:

Amber in the red boots.

Drew in the red boots

Jacob in the red boots

Today we were supposed to attend 4 soccer games just like we do every Saturday. But after the first two games cancelled due to rain, we decided to change plans and take Ty for his first puddle stomp.

I'm not sure why, but this picture tickled me. Caity making a beautiful kick while holding her umbrella just so.

Love this boy.

Love this boy too.

Worth missing a couple games in the rain.

After our adventure we came home for the ultimate combination: pajamas and hot chocolate by the fire.

Another successful adventure. It's days like these I wish I could repeat over and over again.

Totally Lost It.

I know what you are thinking: They have totally lost it.

If you have not heard the news yet: we have begun the process of another adoption.

Yes.

You read it correctly.

This will be 3, count them three, international adoptions in 3 years.

We are not crazy. We are not obsessed with adoption. We have not forgotten the 5, count them, 5 children already in our home. We are not set on ruining our family. We are not looking for attention. We are not doing any of the things people might think when we mention this unbelievable idea to others.

We are a family of faith. We are interested in following God's will for our family. All 5, count them, 5 children already in our family are in enthusiastic agreement about yet another adoption. We believe this experience will strengthen our family just as the first two adoptions have. And we are getting plenty of attention already, thank you very much. We just want to be obedient.

'Why' and 'How' are no longer important. We know the only answers answers that matter are the ones from our Father in Heaven. And His answers are simply, "Because I chose you." and, "I will take care of it."

So, now what?

Now we fire up the old fundraising engine and get back to work. Since committing to this idea Brad has been flooded with side jobs yet again. We are beginning two new fundraisers and working a few more ideas for later. And we are just going to give our best effort and wait for direction from our Father on what else we can do.

More about our son coming soon. Yes, we are adopting another boy...

Three months home

Three months! This is always the first real benchmark with new family members. With my natural born kiddos and adopted kiddos three months is just a relief. We are here. We made it through the initial craziness. And now, as expected, life is just picking up where we left off, but with and extra family member in tow.

Ty continues to do really well. His teacher came up to the car this past week to tell me, "I just wanted to let you know we did assessments today and I am shocked. He is incredible." It is true. He is so eager to learn. School has been a breeze. Ty is starting to read. He proudly sounds out words to me all the time.

Ty is still one of the superstars on his soccer team. He had to take a break while his finger healed but he has been happy to be back on the field this week.

Ty loves to come home from Mandarin class each week and tell me all about his performance. Brad has been taking him to class the last couple weeks. He told me the teacher will frequently say, "Yang WenHao, I know you know the answer. You are from China. Let someone else try." She is a great teacher and says it in fun. But we know he LOVES feeling like the class star.

Ty is starting to express confidence in his understanding of church concepts. He eagerly points out pictures of The Savior. He excitedly explained the idea of tithing to me, "These for me, this for him (pointing to the picture of Jesus)." Ty has volunteered to say the blessing on the food multiple times. He still prays in Mandarin and I love to hear him speak from his little heart. He expresses thanks for his family every time. And he is understanding our routines of prayer, scripture time, and family night.

Ty is able to speak in sentences. He is beginning to use "I" instead of "me" and other appropriate grammar. "Me have apple?" has become, "Can I have an apple, please?" He loves to talk to me at bath time and looks forward to the chance to expand his vocabulary. This week he has asked me questions on a new topic each night: my favorite animal, my favorite color, my favorite game. He just wants to talk together. I love it. We are also starting to learn more about his time in China as he shares little details here and there.

We are running into new ares of challenge as he lets his defenses down and continues to test. Just this past week we are working on public behavior as he has gotten pretty rambunctious. Now that we have established boundaries and trust he is testing the outer limits of his reign. We are focusing on things like not climbing on private property, not walking behind the desk of an office, not interrupting a conversation.

In the orphanage there was never a reason to speak softly. Whispering is a foreign language to Ty. Closing doors softly is not natural. Even walking lightly is awkward. He is just used to being loud. Imagine growing up in a cafeteria. There is always noise around you. You have to speak up to be heard. Ty does nothing quietly: chewing, breathing, speaking, walking, playing. This is just the way his body has been trained. It is taking time to reinforce a new expectation of self control in voice and movement and to teach an awareness of when it is okay to let the wiggles and noise out.

These are pretty typical things to be teaching a young boy, but for Ty the testing is more extreme because everything is so different for him: different cultural boundaries, having to rely on and anticipate the desires of parents who are always watching, having little brothers who are still learning the boundaries themselves and may lead him astray, and having a new freedom and exposure to the world in general.

Aside from the new little challenges of molding Ty into our family and community, everything is just smooth. It's still dang busy. But the first three months have passed and it feels like we are just sailing along.

First Name Basis

Ty is on a fist name basis with the medical staff at his pediatrician's office. I have spent more time in doctor's offices in the last 2 weeks than out of them. Or, at least it feels that way. We did the usual follow-up appointments after Ty's injury and Jacob had his 3-year well visit. Ty also had an additional appointment in preparation for his surgery scheduled in November.

Then, Sunday, before I had a chance to put Ty's splint on before church (he sleeps with it off to encourage soft-tissue healing) he thought it was a good time to throw on some super hero dress-up. He slipped his hand through a sleeve and realized it was on the wrong hand. Always in a hurry, he yanked it back off to switch hands and... off came the nail that had been sewn on.

The nail was supposed to come off on it's own in 4-6 weeks. But it was not completely off and with it dislodged I couldn't get the splint back on to protect the fractured bone. I had also been warned that if the nail came off too soon the nail bed may not heal properly. So I called the advice nurse and made an appointment for Monday morning.

Fortunately, the nail bed had already begun healing. Unfortunately one of the dissoluble stitches had not dissolved yet so they had to cut the flopping nail off. Ty was nervous to see the sterile tools brought out again. But he did great.

Then today I got a call from the school: Ty had shut a finger (different finger but same hand) in the heavy wood bathroom door. They felt he needed to be seen by a doctor. I didn't think it was broken, but because Ty has such a high pain threshold, I didn't want to chance missing a fracture. So, off to the doctor's we went.

When we were sitting in the waiting room two of the nurses came out to call other patients and said, "Hey Ty! What are you doing here again?" Then they would look to me and say, "Is this the same finger again?"

Nope. New finger. And I am so pleased to see you know us by name. Sigh.

I was glad to discover there is no fracture in the new injured finger. And Ty asked to go back to school. By the time we got there he was his normal bouncy self, just with a swollen finger.

He told me as he got out of the car, "Mom, I have only 3 fingers now." while pointing to his right hand. Well, let's hope we can keep the rest of them intact...

Birthday Boy

Three. My baby is three. The last three. Because I say so.

We have a saying in our house: "No more babies." It may not sound very nice, but it is one of our favorite sayings. It is usually spoken while leaving the dinner table to change a diaper.

Maybe it is just because we have come to terms with the fact that what we want, what we expect, and what we think is best is not always in line with what our Father in Heaven has in store. But it is a playful way that we try to express our desire to move beyond the baby stage.

It thrills me to think this will (notice I did not say might) be the last birthday in diapers. Ever. It makes me ponder to realize this will be the last birthday in a crib and high chair. And it is exciting to think this is the last birthday without true spoken language.

But at the same exact time, I worry about not having someone to carry to the cake table next year. I realize that he wont need help blowing out his birthday candles at the right time without grabbing the cake. He will have a "friends" birthday party next year and it won't just be Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents, and siblings. Next year he will have an opinion of what kind of cake to make and he will notice if I don't get special plates and decorations.

This is the last year with a baby. My baby. What do you know? I might actually miss the baby thing.

No more babies.

All of Jacob's favorite family members came to celebrate.

The boys spent most of their time running around like wild monkeys. Because they are boys.

Hooray for cake!

He was so excited about opening presents all of the pictures turned out fuzzy. He was so animated.

And to finish it all off: more running through the park like monkeys.

To my sweet little 3 year old,

You will always be the first to have stolen my heart in a new way. I thought I new what unconditional love was before you. I thought I knew what it meant to be a mama. I thought I knew the joy of being loved. But you taught me all of those things in a way I never would have understood. You bring me a very special kind of joy. And you have changed my life forever.

All my love on your special day,

Mama

He knows how to love

One of the difficulties of "older child" adoption is overcoming the natural division that exists between a stranger and a child and turning it into a bond between a parent and child. A baby (or toddler who is developmentally still a baby) requires interaction that naturally overcome these boundaries. Babies need to be carried. Babies need to be hand fed. Babies need to be bathed and dressed. Touch is just a part of their life. But with a 6 year old, that "natural" need for touch is diminishing or, because of institutionalized care, already gone. So we have to create reasons for touch to build the bond.

Before we traveled to China Brad would tease me and make guesses as to how long it would take me to "train" Ty in the art of snuggling.

Wednesday morning as I was waking the kids for school I sat on the edge of Ty's bed and put my hand on his chest. I softly told him it was time to wake up and get ready for school. He peaked one eye open just enough to confirm it was me and then wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me into his bed. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and nuzzled his face into my neck and let out a contented  sigh. The art of the snuggle in it's purest form.

Apparently the record has now been set at 2 months 21 days. His training is complete.

We see more and more evidence of Ty's sweet, genuine little heart. He knows how to love. And we can see joy in his opportunities to express tender moments of love and compassion. The tough-guy always-in-control-and-in-charge outer shell is continuing to crack. He has been sweet all along. But he is so much more comfortable now.

I love watching my boys change. It is so amazing to watch.

Ty LOVES babies. He always want to hold and touch them.

Puppy love.

I was watching a football game at my parent's house and Ty snuggled into my lap to join me. I love having a buddy to watch the game with. Drew and Jacob still don't have the attention for it. Having him with me and watching him shout along when we would felt so good.

A New Chapter For Jacob

Today we celebrated Jacob's "graduation" from the Early Start Program to school district services. His birthday is just a few days away and at age 3 occupational therapy, physical therapy, and speech therapy are provided to children who qualify through the school district. So, today, we said goodbye to some of Jacob's favorite people.

"Mimi" (Mary), Jacob's speech therapist.

"Eh-win" (Erin), Jacob's physical therapist.

"Cake!" (Kay, always said with an exclamation), Jacob's occupational therapist.

These wonderful ladies have been a part of Jacob's life for over a year now. He loves these women and anxiously awaits his play time with them every week.

Knowing that this could be a difficult transition for him we planned a party to make this goodbye fun and reinforce that this change was good and these women were not going to be completely gone, we just don't get to play together every week anymore.

Erin brought Jacob a whole bag of balloons, so we started with some PT play.

Once some of the wiggles were out we all made each other pictures. Jacob made a picture for each of his therapists to take home. The two therapists who were able to attend today each made a picture for Jacob to hang on our refrigerator.

After our picture exchange Jacob's therapists helped him put some photos into an album of our time together over this past year. Jacob will keep this book in the toy room where he can look at it any time he wants. Mary and Erin enjoyed looking at how much Jacob has changed. He has come so far.

Then it was treat time! No party is complete without goodies. Jacob had selected donuts to share with his friends.

After our treat Jacob presented each of his therapists with a thank you gift and mommy had a special gift for him to open too:

 His very own backpack for school!

Then it was time for goodbye hugs. We gathered contact info for Jacob to send his friends drawings if he misses them. And then we walked everyone out and blew kisses.

I'm going to miss these ladies almost as much as Jacob will.

Jacob will start his specialized preschool on Monday. He no longer qualifies for physical therapy or occupational therapy since he is performing at age level. But his speech still has a little ways to go and the preschool environment will help monitor whether or not OT and PT continue to stay at par or if he may require further assistance. 

We went to tour Jacob's classroom today. He is so excited. And I can't believe it, the baby is going to school!