When we decided to adopt from Russia we felt pretty strongly that we would adopt from China also. We went to Russia knowing that China was "next". But in our little minds we assumed we would take the time to make our family's finances look pretty first and we would take a year or two (or three) to settle into life with 4 kids.
Within the first week of arriving home from Russia, Brad asked me if I was thinking about China. I was. We both were. We couldn't help it. We knew we were supposed to adopt again. Of course, we again reassured each other that our next adoption was at least a year or two in the future. But a month or two went by and I started feeling antsy.
For weeks I tried to quiet the nagging feeling that we needed to be doing something for our next adoption. I began studying the Mandarin language, I researched special needs that were common among Chinese orphans, I created a financial plan and outlined how many months we would need to put our finances where we wanted them before moving forward with another adoption, I tried to understand what else we could do to prepare.
I found myself looking at photo-listings of waiting children in China. Brad noticed what I was doing and reminded me that we weren't ready yet and to be careful about getting in over my head. I agreed, but kept looking. I could not stop. I didn't know why I was looking so I told myself I was "familiarizing myself with common special needs" and that it felt good to see some of the children on the lists finding families. I could root for them from the sidelines and celebrate when their status changed to 'I have a family'.
Then it happened.
Journal entry February 24, 2013:
"About 3 weeks ago I scrolled down a page I had seen before on the Holt website. There were a couple of "new referral" listings. As I scrolled down the thumbnail picture grabbed my attention of a boy. He had a playful smirk on his face and something about him just grabbed my attention..."
I could not get this boy out of my head. I could not understand why I felt the way I did.
"...Brad walked in and I showed him the picture. He could tell what I was thinking and reminded me of our timeline. I told him I knew there was no way we were ready. But if this boy was still waiting when we were ready, he would be the first one I would request more info about."
Weeks passed. "Xylon" remained listed on the Holt site. I found myself checking the listing daily. Each day I expected to see the words "no longer accepting new requests" (meaning he had a potential family) but they never appeared.
We experienced a completely unexpected job change and for a brief time wondered if we were really correct in our understanding of God's will for a second adoption. As quickly as the change had come, God's will came into focus again and we were assured we were on the right path, adoption included.
Another month passed. Xylon remained on the Holt site. His "new referral" status had been removed. Brad and I both agreed it was time to begin the very first step of our second adoption: the agency application. It was a small step and we assured ourselves we could take things slow this time, no need to rush.
As I had promised myself, I made a call about Xylon. I found out Holt had requested an extension on his file and would have it for another week before it could be released back to the shared site for our agency to find. From the day we submitted our application, May 3, things started to pick up speed. It was made abundantly clear that we needed to be ready for Xylon's file to become available.
Brad and I spent time in prayer and attended the temple together. We knew without a doubt pursuing Xylon's file was exactly what we needed to do.
Then there was a twist in the road.
Journal entry, May 29:
"Xylon has a family! When I checked the site today to see if his picture was gone yet (indicating his file had been returned to the shared site) I instead saw the words 'I have a family' on his profile picture. Apparently on the very last day Holt had his file a family committed to his adoption.
The strange part is: I have peace. I have been watching him for almost 5 months now. Every time I clicked on that listing I expected to see those words. Every time I prayed for him I asked that his family would be lead to him quickly. And today, seeing those words didn't hurt the way I thought they would."
A few weeks before this journal entry I had run across this talk by Elder Holland. The very moment I saw the Holt site, and that Xylon had a family, these words began to play in my mind:
We knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were doing exactly what needed to be done. It was time to hold to the truth we already knew: it was time to adopt again. We just needed to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
We plugged away at fundraisers and side jobs. Money started flowing into our adoption account. Doors were opened all around us. The blessings of Heaven started to rain down.
I continued to check the Holt site thinking maybe the committed family would fall through and I would see Xylon again. I did not know what to expect, so I just kept watching.
The summer flew by and we were finishing up our home study and getting ready for dossier and preparing to receive a referral from our agency. I happened to jump on to our agency's website and noticed they had a new photo listing of waiting children in China. As I scrolled down I saw this picture:
"Henry"
Something about this boy's eyes seemed to look right into my heart. Worried that I had 'felt' something again and hesitant to admit it, I did nothing. About a week later I casually sent an email to our agency about him. They replied saying a family was currently reviewing his file. I let it go. All the while still watching the Holt site for Xylon.
Another week went by and Brad came into the room holding his iPad with a funny grin on his face. I had not breathed a word to him about Henry. And Brad had never opened an email from our agency before. He later told me he did not know what compelled him to open the email. But when he did he felt something too and eagerly came to show me. The email had an updated picture of the same boy I had seen, "Henry."
So I sent another email to our agency only to find that, yet again, his file was being reviewed by another family. The week passed and Brad and I talked about Henry. We knew something was up. Sure enough we received a call: Henry's file was available again, were we interested? After taking the weekend to review his file, consult with our pediatric specialists, and pray, there was no doubt. This was our boy.
I continued to watch for Xylon. I honestly wondered if this was Heavenly Father's way of leading us to adopting two boys at once. We knew we had been lead to pursue Xylons file, and now we were confident Henry was our son. I half expected Xylon to pop back up somewhere.
Then we received an email from the China coordinator with a request. Our son had a close friend in the orphanage listed as "Tony". There was a group of 4 boys, our son included, who do everything together and are described as being like brothers. Three of the four boys had committed families. The fourth boy, Tony, was the oldest and had been waiting the longest. The orphanage director was worried about him being left behind. Could we spread the word about him and try to help find a family willing to bring him home?
I wondered if perhaps we should consider adopting him. But even before I spoke the first word of my prayer to consider that option I knew confidently he was not meant for us. I got busy in my own little life and, though I mentioned him to one friend directly and made lighthearted comments to others about our son like, "he has a friend that is still waiting", I lacked the confidence to do more.
Then two weeks later I received a call from our agency. There was a family that had committed to Tony, but then backed out. He was still waiting. Was there anyone else we could tell? I thought it was strange that I had been contacted about this boy twice. What was I supposed to do? What difference could I make? But I decided to send an email to friends and family.
I was amazed to see the message shared and passed around. I was shocked to have responses of support and encouragement from multiple families. And I was absolutely blown away to receive the continued response of our friends who are now committed to bringing our son's friend home. "Tony", now PJ, will be their son. They never would have seen him if I had not shared that email.
Brad mentioned how this must have been why we felt we needed to move forward when we did. It was not just our son waiting. Heavenly Father had a plan for both of these boys at this time.
That thought remained in my mind over the next few days as I continued to 'check in' on the Holt site. I felt differently somehow. Maybe Xylon's purpose had been different than I thought. If he was not meant for our family, then why did we feel so strongly about pursuing his file?
Then I came across this video and felt I received my answer:
We needed to know with confidence we were on the right path so that we could keep our 'blinders' on and get everything done. Despite the short time since completing our first adoption. Despite the job change. Despite the 'plan' that we had made for our finances.
Journal entry November 8:
"Xylon was our 400 yard dead end. He was the reason we moved forward with conviction and determination. And he is the reason 2 more little boys in China will be coming home. Heavenly Father knows the Hoppes family. He knows 'Tony' is meant to be with them. He knows Ty is meant to be with us. And because of His perfect plan, perfect timing, and perfect provision, Ty and PJ will have each other even on the other side of the world."
I don't need to look for Xylon anymore. Ty and PJ are coming home.
PJ (Tony) far left, our son Ty (Henry) second from right
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