Adoption Videos

I posted Justin's adoption video to YouTube this week:

I love making these videos. This is the reason we love adoption: we get to participate in changing a life. Not because we change it. Not because we are special. Not because we have any kind of power or ability to alter the course of a child's life. But because God does. We just get to be a part of it and experience it first-hand.

Justin told me about a week ago, "Mom, in Ukraine I am only this (frowning face), in America I am light." I love the way he described this to me: "I am light." He can see the difference in himself. He can feel the changes happening. And we are lucky enough, blessed enough, fortunate enough, and for some reason deemed worthy enough to experience this with not one, but three amazing boys. These boys have not just transformed themselves as individuals, they have transformed our entire family. We are blessed just because we said yes.

Now, while I am standing on this mountain top proclaiming "Glory be to God!" I want to point out to the outsiders looking in: no part of adoption is easy, but is it SOOOOOOO worth it. Many people watch gotcha day videos on YouTube and adoption videos like our own and think adoption is 'easy.' You just say yes and you are swept away on a beautiful adventure full of love and healing. That is only partly true. I want to recognize that word 'true' because saying yes is the best decision we have ever made. Beauty, love, and healing are a huge part of this process. But there are still many parts of this process that are really ugly and just plain hard. Because it is parenting. And parenting is hard. And parenting adopted children is even harder. And parenting older adopted children is even harder. And parenting older adopted children from difficult pasts is even harder.

So while you sit watching adoption videos like mine feeling the Spirit tell you how amazing adoption and redemption is (because it is SO amazing) don't forget that God calls us to difficult things. And if you run into 'that' friend who is living adoption, and he or she doesn't seem to be enjoying their 'amazing' ride or appreciating the 'redemption,' realize there is a whole lot more going on behind the uplifting music and smiling pictures of their videos.

We adoptive mamas and daddies are battling for every smile between the clicks of the camera. We are continually coaching ourselves to listen to the uplifting music ourselves. We are watching the adoption videos we made over and over again to remind ourselves of why we did this. And we are crying through the videos just like you do when we feel the Spirit testifying that THIS is what God needed us to do to rescue His children.

Part of me makes these videos for my boys so that they can see and remember everything that happened and remember how much fun we had. And, I will admit, part of me does make these videos for family, friends, and strangers on YouTube who leave supportive comments (it's funny how powerful a 'like' can be). But mostly, I make these videos for me. To remind me on those ugly or really hard days how deeply I love these boys. How hard I fought, am still fighting, and will continue to battle for them every day of my life. And how this was all God's idea, so it can be beautiful even when it's hard.

Right now in the thick of it I feel moments of understanding. Moments of clarity for each of these boys and what it really means for them to be here, in America, in our home, in our family, rather than where they came from. But I know some day I will stand before my Father in Heaven and he will put his arm around me and show me what it really meant. And I will fall to my knees.

When Mama is Sick

I've been wanting to add a couple posts for several days now. Over a week actually. But I have been sick with Bronchitis and "free time" is still scarce. Needing to nap everyday to keep up has really eaten into that precious "free time" so the blog has been neglected.

Justin asked me Saturday, "Mom, you are not fine. What is wrong?" His question made me realize I have been sick far too long. I am not one to let a little cold or cough stop me. Maybe one or two days of lighter effort. But the past two-and-a-half weeks has been ridiculous.

Sunday as I was playing the organ at church I started to feel out of breath. I just couldn't seem to get a full comfortable inhale. There was an unusually large amount of business to be conducted and my time on the stiff wood bench of the organ became increasingly uncomfortable. When I finally stood up to join my family after the passing of the sacrament I started to feel really strange. My arms and legs were tingling, I felt light headed, and my breathing was getting increasingly harder. Rather than sitting down I asked Brad to follow me outside. As we exited the building he immediately said, "I'll get the kids, let's go to the hospital and check it out."

Turns out bronchitis combined with really bad air quality (we have a lot of smoke in the air from big fires nearby) had caused a 'bronchial spasm' (the same symptoms as an asthma attack, but I don't have asthma). Since I have never experienced being unable to breath like that I had a little panic attack that caused the tingly arms, legs, and light headed feeling. Fun times.

A breathing treatment and some reassurance from the doctor and a clear chest X-ray turned things around real quick.

I have a couple new prescriptions until I kick this thing and strict instruction to rest as much as possible. Message received.

Meanwhile, we have been having a lot of fun and a lot is changing around here that I want to remember. So buckle in for an update:

Labor Day weekend was a blast. Saturday was a gorgeous day with a cool breeze and bright beautiful skies. We went on an outing to Old Sacramento to show Justin the Gold Rush Days event. Most years the streets of Old Sac are completely covered in dirt and actors perform in period dress to transform the old town into the feel of the gold rush. This year because of the severe drought only one street was able to be covered (they use water to clear the dirt after the event).

We stopped into a costume shop. The boys LOVED this. I found it fitting that Ty wanted a picture of the turd-head mask...

Waiting for the fire demonstration. Jacob thought it was fabulous until the actors started screaming and hollering to rescue everyone.

I was pleasantly surprised to see all of the kids actively engaged in the old games, puzzles, and activities. This area held their interest for almost an hour.

We, of course, had to introduce Justin to our favorite candy store...

He kept asking, "Mom, only one?"

The boys were drawn to the guns like magnets.

The pony express rides into and out of town. The army battalion moves in formation through town and does war exercises. There are mock-up shoot outs and the fire battalion does mock rescues. Horse-drawn carriages and covered wagons move through town. Native Americans in full dress can be seen around town. This year the kids enjoyed an old fashioned magic show. It's a great event.

Monday was much warmer and we were so excited to explore a new swim spot on the Yuba River. It was well worth the drive. We will definitely be returning to this spot.

Ty always gets a big kick out of mom catching lizards. It is something he has yet to master.

Catching polliwogs.

Hind sight is 20/20. And to be honest, this little outing is probably what tipped my week-and-a-half cold over the edge into full-blown bronchitis. But I wouldn't trade these memories and bonding opportunities even if I could go back and sit this one out.

The covered bridge that gives this spot it's name.

The water is so beautifully clear here.

Justin warming himself.

Boys + dirt = happiness.

Ty, mom, and Justin jumping of one of the rocks. There were many to choose from here.

Friday is date night for the kids. Every Friday Brad and I take 3 of the kids on a one-on-one date. Each Friday we rotate through the kids so that all 6 of them end up with 2 dates per month, one with mom and one with dad. Last week Brad took Drew to shoot the bb gun while I helped Amber sell fundraiser cards (the kids help choose the activity). Then after the kids were in bed Brad took Caity on a bike ride for Slurpees. 

This Friday I took Jacob to play at the McDonald's Playplace (yes I climb around in there with him) while Brad took Ty to play soccer. Then it was finally Justin's turn. He kept asking questions. He just couldn't figure out what we were doing. Since he didn't know what was going on I chose the destination: a bike ride around Nimbus Reservoir and swimming. We had the best time. As we were leaving he asked me, "Mom, we do this every Friday?" I'm going to go ahead and consider that a success.

Saturday was game day. We have 4 kiddos playing this year. And as luck would have it, all 4 kiddos had games at the same exact time in 4 different locations. So Brad and I were only able to attend one game each. Grandparents filled in for the other games. This is going to be a really fun year of soccer in the Krinke family.

Caity, Jacob, and I attended Justin's game. You can see the poor air quality in the picture. After a complete melt-down tantrum in the first half of the game from Justin (he's still got a lot to learn) his team pulled off a 7-2 victory.

I am looking forward to seeing more of the kids play this week. Though it was nice to only spend 2 hours of our day on soccer. The next few Saturdays will be marathons. 

And last to catch up on is the milestone of Justin's first month home:

-Justin thinks school in America is easy. I am curious to see what happens when his first tests are completed, first real assignments are given, and first projects begin. He does not seem to understand we created a schedule that would be light for him on purpose with an extra study hall period to allow for double the available tutoring from the teachers and time to focus on English acquisition. But, I will say, Justin has a great work ethic and positive attitude. He has already impressed all of his teachers with these personality traits.

A true school carpool. When I took this picture Justin said he didn't get to be in it. So I gave him my phone.

-Justin keeps telling me, "Kids in school are so different in America. All grades nice, friendly, helping. No hitting, no mean. Eleventh and twelfth grade tell me, 'you need help? you like here?' It is very different!" I love that he is feeling safe and making friends.

-Justin is starting to change his opinion about church functions. No fifteen year old loves sacrament meeting or 'dressing up' for church. But Justin eagerly counts the hours until week night youth activities. He is getting out of his shell and starting to make friends and gain confidence with the kids from church. He even went to his first church dance at Sun Splash this weekend. He is also volunteering to say the prayer over meals and at bedtime. For the first time this week he asked to offer the blessing on the food in front of someone other than our immediate family. I love to hear my boys thinking about their words and expressing gratitude for the things they value.

I love it when they all play. Such natural siblings.

-When we were in Ukraine our facilitator asked me more than once about Justin's hair. I told her that he would quickly figure out the "in" style at home and, as long as his hair was well kept, I didn't mind his cute little Mohawk thing. When we came home I got a few more questions about his hair from family and friends to which I gave the same answer, "He'll figure it out." His first hair cut right before school he asked if he could keep his hair the same. I didn't even blink. I just said sure and cut it the way he asked. This week he told me, "Mom, no cut my hair. I need to grow here and here and cut here. Like Dad and Drew and other boys." Honestly there's a little part of me that will miss his bald-headed Mohawk. 

-Justin was looking at pictures the other day and told me, "Mom, I am chang-ed. In Ukraine always this face (frowning). In America I am light." Warms my heart.

-Justin's English is making huge strides already. Most adults who meet him can't believe he has been home only a month. He has settled so seamlessly I find myself on guard a bit again. Even with Ty there were indicators popping up in our first weeks home. Nothing big. But obvious shadows that played into later struggles. I keep looking for things to take note of with Justin but everything has just been super smooth. This kid blows me away. What a joy.

Potty Training... For Real This Time

I think it is really going to happen this time. I think Jacob is actually potty training! Considering this has been a continual effort for almost a year now with numerous "failures," I am hesitant to really say the words, but: Jacob wears underwear now! NO MORE DIAPERS!!

Quick! Knock on some wood!

Over the summer, while we were traveling, I abandoned all efforts. The word "potty" did not even pass through my lips around Jacob. But this month he is starting a preschool class that requires the kids in attendance be potty trained. No diapers or pull ups aloud. Period. So I knew this 'deadline' was approaching. But I did something totally uncharacteristic:

I did not worry.

I just didn't put any thought or effort into it. When we finally arrived home from Ukraine and Utah I asked Brad if he thought I should worry about potty training during the week and a half I had before the big kids started school. His answer was like a voice from heaven, "I think you need to do whatever will cause you the least amount of stress right now." Brilliant. I waited.

The first day of school for the big kids I told Jacob to pick a pair of underwear. He gladly picked a pair of Lightning McQueen undies and peed in them a few minutes later.

But, again, I did something completely out of character: nothing. Well, I changed him of course. But I didn't say a word. He picked another pair and I told him, "Tell me when you are ready to go potty." To which he quickly yelled, "I no want go potty!" And I said, "Okay, just tell me when you are ready."

I cannot tell you how challenging this should have been for me. I am not a 'whatever' kind of parent. Just letting accidents happen is so not my thing. I have always reminded, distracted, rewarded, and even tricked my toddlers into going on the potty. And it has always worked.

My first three were thrilled to gobble up M&Ms every 15 minutes for trying to sit on the potty. They figured out how to keep their pants dry and the sugar-candies flowing by the end of the first day. Not Jacob. The 'old way' of doing things just wasn't working for Jacob. So this time around I changed my game plan. No rewards, no incentives, no reminders, barely any acknowledgement of accidents, just continue to tell him he could let me know when he was ready. I just had an inkling that this was the way to go for him.

That first day we went through 7 pairs of underwear. And I didn't say a word. I still can't explain how I did not loose my mind.

Then it happened. We went on a bike ride and I asked if he needed to "go pee-pee on the trees." We were no where near home or a 'real' potty and peeing on trees sounded like the best idea ever to Jacob. Our first success was in some neighbors bushes. Sorry neighbors, you have no idea what that little incident represented.

The light bulb was on.

For the next 2 days we peed in the front yard, in the back yard, in Nana's yard, in the park (all discretely I might add). And suddenly we were only having one or two small accidents a day. No M&Ms needed. No reminders. No trickery. And no stress from mom. Trees were the great motivator for this boy. By day three Jacob was telling me when he needed to go all on his own. And if we were at a store he would willingly go on the real potty since there are no trees in stores.

I've got you now.

It has been about 10 days now and Jacob keeps himself completely dry. He will stop what he is doing and come find me to ask to go potty of his own initiative. No more peeing on trees. And we have not had even a small accident in several days.

There is another part to the potty that is yet to be conquered. Number two business is still just too "cary" to do on the potty. BUT over the past 10 days Jacob has learned to ask for a pull up and wait until one is available to take care of his business. So if we are at a store (or at school) he can wait until the appropriate time. No more number two accidents! Hallelujah!

It is only a matter of time before he decides he is ready to take care of the real business on the potty. He is getting closer every day. The wheels are turning and he is going to figure this one out. I can sense it.

I just can't believe this finally worked. We are actually potty training.

Crash the Net

When I was coaching the kids' soccer teams I used to teach the phrase "crash the net!" It was a phrase I would use for both defense and offense in high pressure situations. If I yelled, "CRASH THE NET!" during a game, the kids knew they all needed to run as fast as they could to the goal. On defense this put as many bodies between the ball and our net as possible. On offense it put as many bodies into the opponent's box as possible. More bodies gave us a better chance of getting the ball where we wanted it to go. And in high pressure situations this cue let everyone on the team know they were all expected to hustle NOW.

If we were trying to score, even the defenders were expected to hustle as far forward as their position allowed to support and send a loose ball back in. And for a defensive call even the forwards were expected to hustle all the way back to the goal line if necessary to get that ball off our side of the field. Standing by and watching their team mates was not an option. Even if they were tired they were expected to give everything they had left in that moment. This was an emergency call. A last resort. An all-or-nothing push.

This week Brad and I have sounded the "crash the net" alarm in our family. With school starting right smack in the middle of our adjustment phase with a new addition, many of our family members are struggling. This is definitely what I would consider a "high pressure" situation. Some family members are overwhelmed by school, some are overwhelmed by siblings, some are overwhelmed by re-entry into the structure and routine of school and soccer practices, all are struggling to adjust to earlier wake times and bedtimes, and some are dealing with the scary skeletons hidden in their closets that just wont go away. It's getting pretty sporty around here and some of our family members are on slippery slopes.

We have counselors, therapists, social workers, agency help desks, new support groups, new books, school administration, friends, and extended family crashing the net with us. We are determined to give our all in this game, regardless of the current or end score.

I try really hard to be transparent here on this blog. To share the joy and the challenges. This is a record I want to revisit over the years and see how far we've come. To show all 6 of these kids how much they were wanted and fought for. To show them the love their siblings and parents felt for them even when things were kinda gnarly and adjustments were really hard.

We are swimming in deep waters at the moment. Justin is doing amazing and has been a huge blessing and help in our home. I was not expecting this. I thought his needs would trump the others for a while. I never would have guessed he would lighten the load from the get go.

But Justin is not the only new member of this family. And the experiences of the past months with mom and dad disappearing and reappearing continually over several months has taken it's toll on all four of the littles. As we come screaming into the new school year like a spaceship through the atmosphere we are "coming in a little hot" as the movies always seem to say. Several of our kids are fighting big battles right now. And having so many big needs to juggle this time of year is proving to be a serious undertaking.

Lately I have been thinking of one of my favorite quotes:

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow what a ride!” 
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

We are on a crazy ride. We are "coming in hot" with an expected crash landing ahead. But we are blessed to have our Father in Heaven flying this ship so even if the hull gets a little banged up we know we will do as Sister Hinckley said and skid in broadside, loudly proclaiming, "Wow what a ride!"