Super Baby

Last night I was sitting at the table helping Amber with homework when Jacob toddled into the room with a cape on. Caitlin had put it on him and he did not take it off. He toddled around for a good 20 minutes as we worked on homework. This may be one of the cutest things I have ever seen...

What's in a name

Tonight as I cradled and rocked my sweet baby boy before settling him into his crib for the night, he gazed up at me with big giant dimples and a toothy grin, reached for my face with one pudgy little hand and said, "mama." My name has never sounded so beautiful. I have waited for and anticipated that sound much more this time than with my other children. For Jacob this is more than a first word, this is a realization, an acceptance.

Admittedly, I am not the first name he has called. Nor the second. And I may not even be the third. His very first spoken word was 'Dada' followed by 'Nana' and I have heard 'Papa' a couple times but am less confident that it was being used as a name (my parents are Nana and Papa). But I don't care how many others he claimed first. I am 'Mama', the one and only. And my name was spoken in a tender sweet moment that I will never forget.

This time, I'm here

We have had a nasty little fever virus run through our family this past week. Once I got it, I knew the chances of keeping Jacob healthy were very small. Sure enough, last night at 9 pm the fever hit. It's been a miserable day. Partly because I am still not passed feeling crummy myself, partly because I have been up helping children and myself through the misery of the fever for almost 5 nights now, and partly because sweet Drew is the last one standing and is having a hard time understanding why no one else will play with him. A bored 3 year old makes for quite a bit of trouble.

But, despite my exhaustion and feeling a sense of dread last night when Jay awoke, it felt so good to know that this time he had a mama. This time someone came when he cried. This time someone stayed with him and rocked him for hours. This time he found comfort. This time he was not alone.

It is hard to imagine what happens in the orphanages. And we will never know for sure what the specifics were like for our little boy. But we do know for sure there were no night time caregivers. When the babies are put to bed, they stay in that bed until the next morning no matter what. We were told this is why the babies stay in the hospital until they are sleeping through the night. There is no accommodation for children who need night time care in the orphanage.

I imagine that when a baby is sick, they are isolated from the group to control exposure. You wouldn't want coughing, sneezing, or vomiting on the toys or in the common areas. So a sick baby is most likely left in their crib until they are well. There were 9 babies total in Jay's group and only one caregiver. So if one baby is sick, there is no time to cuddle or offer special attention to them. No one to wipe their nose. No one to rub them or comfort them.

Not anymore. Jacob has a mama! And he is soaking up his special snuggles, cuddles, nose wiping, and attention. This time, I am here.

My life is poop

Do not be concerned about my emotional state, I am referring to my son's diapers. I do not mean to be graphic or crass, but the boy averages 6 poopy diapers a day. SIX. He is only awake 3 times a day for about 3 hours at a time. Two to three messy diapers in one wake time just seems over the top to me. I can't seem to get anything done without a waft of my next task interrupting me.

Again, I don't mean to cross the TMI line but I really thought this would settle down as his tummy got used to the new food and he settled into a more normal amount of intake. Jacob's attitude about food is dramatically different than when we first picked him up. But he is (and may be permanently) the most food motivated, food aware, food obsessed boy I know. And since his life is food, my life is poop.

At least some day he will potty train and some day beyond that he'll stop interrupting my meals to wipe his bum. Let's see, was it around age 5 for the others when bathroom assistance ended? Just a few years to go...

Young Prince

Something magical happens when I watch one of my children sleep. My purpose becomes clearer, my joy more full, and a sense of calm takes over.

Despite my attempts to rouse him before dinner, Drew continued to slumber through my gentle prodding. So I took advantage of a precious moment to soak in the wonder of youth. I gratefully took a moment to breathe in my son's sweet smell and study the features of his beautiful face.

I contemplated the seemingly short time I will have him "all to myself". Before I know it he'll have friends and activities, even commitments and obligations. Much sooner than I will want to admit his love and admiration for the one woman in his life, Mama, will begin to change into a more quiet and distant need. Then it will change again into an interest and hunt for the young woman I will have to share him with and eventually surrender him to.

I tried to imagine what it will be like to see him in a boy scout uniform. I wondered what kinds of interests he will have. Will there be baseball games, piano lessons, or skateboards? Will he be quiet and reserved or center stage? Will he chose to serve a mission and where will he go? What will it be like to deliver him to the MTC or college or to see his first apartment?

Then I realized how far I had wandered from the moment of bliss with my precious young prince. I reeled in my wondering and worries and resumed my quiet admiration of one of my 4 greatest blessings.

The unwritten law

All four of my children have done it. It seems to be a prerequisite of some kind during the toddler stage. You know what I am talking about:

Serves me right for not closing the bathroom door behind me after gathering clothes and towels for the wash... How kind of him to bring the TP to me in the laundry room to confess...

My cheerleader

Jacob keeps very close tabs on Mommy these days. If I step outside to grab something from the car or get the mail from the mailbox, he is right there to make sure I don't go too far or too long.

 

This part is my favorite. It happens every time. He does a little "cheer" each time I return to the door.

It's nice to be loved.

a little eager

I admit it: I am guilty. Once we started peeking out of the cocoon after Christmas, I got carried away. It is so hard to remember that Jay has never seen all of the things that are just part of normal life for us. I was so excited to be able to run errands I resumed 'normal' life like a horse out of a starting gate. In one week's time we were making daily outings. It was, after all, only one new outing each day. That's pretty slow and easy, right?

I have come to realize that Jacob needs me to be more like Marlin from "Finding Nemo". He wants to peek out of the cocoon, and back in, out and back in, and a third time: out and back in. Even one outing a day is too much. His exposure seems to be cumulative. But when I stop to think about it, it makes sense.

Here's an example: we took the boys to the park thinking it would be a nice mellow outdoor activity. Jacob was excited to be somewhere new. But when I put him down he froze. He stiffly walked about 2 or 3 steps and looked up at me in fear. He had never walked on a rubbery surface like that before. It looked funny, it felt different on his feet, and he didn't know if he could trust it. I reassured him and he settled and started to explore.

Then he decided to toddle off the rubber into the tanbark. Another foreign surface. He tripped after the second step and put his hands down. Shock. He tried to pick them up and the bark stuck to his little hands. He fussed and began to pant. More reassurance from Mommy and he tried to be brave. But despite his best efforts he could not relax enough to play.

 

We moved on and explored other areas of the park and tried the swing.

 

 

 

Overall I think he had fun (or we wouldn't have stayed). But every new walking surface brought fear and trepidation. Brick, concrete, wood, grass, sand, tanbark, rubber, I never realized how many different surfaces are in a park!

 

 

The park is only one small example. Pretty much everywhere we go is a brand-new shocking experience for Jay. It's funny how many things I take for granted and assume should be easy for him to handle. Driving in the car the other night I realized how strange it would look to Jay watching street lights and shopping center lights "float" by him when he had never left the confines of his orphanage after daylight hours let alone rode in a car.

 

This is hard for me. I am a black-and-white, all-or-nothing kind of gal. It's challenging trying to be out of the cocoon but not in the world. It's tricky trying to gauge how much is too much. And its a bit overwhelming to feel like I can go out, but only "a little". How do I choose what to do? My first picks are surely not going to match Jacob's needs.

I am trying to remind myself that, just like the lock down in the cocoon, this time will pass. Just a few more weeks and he will be more equipped to handle life as the 4th child being dragged around town. Patience has never been my strong suit...

Caution to the wind

I'm not sure what came over me. But I needed some adult interaction and invited my Mom for lunch at my house. After lunch my Mom asked if I had anything sweet in the house. For some reason I blurted out, "we could go get something..." And... we... did!

Jay thought it was the best idea ever!

 

 

 

1, 2, skip a few

We've been home 2 months now... and something has changed in the last week. It seems like all of the sudden things are real. Life is resuming and feels normal again. The cocoon is still here, but Jacob can handle outings and new people without a 24-48 hour lock down to recover. He is trusting Mommy and finding immediate comfort at home. We have figured out his little signs and needs and he has learned to rely on us for help. I understand now why the recommended 'lockdown' is 2-3 months.

Things that are changing for our boy:

-Jacob snuggles with Mommy even when it's not nap time now
-He rarely needs vertical bouncing at nap time and prefers to be cradled and rocked.
-We haven't heard his 'battle cry' in weeks
-Jacob can sit quietly (or mostly quietly) while I make his food. It's not the end of the world if his food isn't waiting when he wakes anymore.
-Jay loves the outdoors and enjoys playing with his sibs outside as much as possible.
-We have made three succesful trips to local stores. He is learning to relax in the front pack when out-and-about. Still working on settling after outings...
-His little 'vocabulary' of signs continues to grow. He even made up his own sign for 'lotion' and will ask for a massage after bath.
-Nana's house is now a favorite destination. Grandparents aren't as scary anymore. Maybe they're not strangers after all...
-Fine motor skills just keep coming. He stacked blocks for the first time this week. And then proceeded to look at me curiously as I cheered and danced around the room...
-Jacob prefers to play with his sibs now rather than watching them.
-He has one official spoken word. His very first word is... "Dada"

Jacob is pure joy!

Secret Identity

Drew loves to run through the house as 'Bat Mouse': his super hero alter ego. Every once in a while he will talk me into joining him:

In case you didn't catch it he asked me, " You get your super hero thing? See? I have mine on."  You will notice my cute red mask in the next video but cannot see my rockin' hot pink cape.

We fly through the house together vanquishing 'bad guys'. Love my boys.