Momentum

Each time we left for Russia I seemed to experience a 'pause' right before we left. I would feel like I was stuck in a tornado and all of the sudden, usually the last 2-3 days before we left, it was as if someone flipped a switch and the storm just came to a dead stop. Everything managed to get done. I would soak up the last hours with my kiddos and actually relax just a little.

I am waiting for that moment.

It seems like no matter how much I prepare there is just more to do. The momentum for this trip just continues to build without climax. I want my break!

Now, I will admit, many of the 'things' on my list are optional. I didn't HAVE to make a flat Ty to add to the flat family. But it is an instrument that could definitely help while we are away.

Flat Drew and Flat Jacob come with us to China, the rest of 'the family' will stay with the boys.

I didn't HAVE to alter our homecoming shirts from long-sleeve to short-sleeves. But I can't imagine any of our family members being willing to wear a long-sleeve shirt (even with the sleeves rolled up and just for an hour when we first greet each other) for our return. And those shirts do have a purpose. Children without language (currently both Ty and Jacob) can recognize "same" and understand a connection based on visual cues.

We made these shirts months ago when we thought we would travel in the Spring.

 I didn't HAVE to wrap the daily prizes for the boys. But these too have a powerful purpose. All this crazy stuff REALLY helped Drew last time. And there is value this time for all three boys (and the rest of us too) in these activities and items.

I didn't HAVE to throw Drew a real birthday party this year. We could have easily opted for a quiet family dinner (although the majority of the party attendants were family anyway). But with all of the changes coming Drew needs to know his value, and hold tight to his knowledge of our consistent love and devotion, even right before traveling. Bringing another new brother home cannot derail or displace the importance of his special day.

And I don't HAVE to take the time to update this little blog I keep. But I know from personal experience the value of a journal during the months leading up to a child's adoption. I love reading about my family and my Mom's thought's and feelings before my adoption. It is incredibly valuable to know I was wanted, desired and prepared for long before I came home. I want my boys to have these memories to reflect on when they are older. I want Ty to see someday how much we wanted him home, how much we prepared for him and how valuable he is to us.

So really, it is an optional insanity, but I have chosen it and I am ready for it to be over. Let's get on that plane already!

My own impatience to finally depart is only intensified by Brad and the girls and even Drew and Jacob constantly talking about when we finally GO! Jacob is so excited to count down the days. Every morning when he wakes and after nap time he asks to mark off another day on the calendar. Drew is down right giddy about spending time with family and friends while we are away. The girls follow me through the house watching my every move as I pack asking every few moments if they can help. And Brad has a lovely new habit of saying something really exciting right as we are getting into bed like, "Did you realize this time next week we'll be..."

It is time to get on the plane people.

Out of the way

Apparently Drew has decided to go ahead and get a few injuries out of the way before we travel. While I appreciate his thoughtfulness I am hoping he really is just paying his dues early so we can come home to our boy fully intact.

This missing tooth brought to you by:
a) an upcoming permanent adult tooth
b) removal by the dentist
c) injury

The answer? "c"

Drew originally broke this tooth as a toddler. But for 3 long years it has held on. Until last Friday when he managed to smash his mouth into a plasma car. Not only was his upper lip busted (you can tell it is still a little fat in the picture taken Sunday night) but he again knocked the broken tooth loose. This time it did not firm back up. And by Sunday night there was a gap beneath the tooth at the gum line as well as some pretty nasty bruising and discoloration of the gums. I told Brad I would call the dentist in the morning to see if we should do something before leaving the country. But that night the tooth came out while Drew was brushing his teeth.

Next:

This picture doesn't do the bruising and "lumpiness" justice. But Monday night we met some friends at a local park that has cement slides. The kids all had a blast. Near the end of our fun Drew was riding tandem with a buddy and they wiped out. We could hear the crack of his little noggin on the side of the slide from the top of the hill. In the 10 seconds it took me to jog down the stairs he had a noticeable goose egg over his right eye. As I came up the stairs and rounded the corner into everyone's view I heard a group groan. It was a good one. But he survived and within 15 minutes was playing football and baseball with the boys.

Okay, now that we've checked "owies" off the list, back to packing...

Tree Trimming

We had the opportunity to get our trees trimmed. It was unexpected but very overdue. The boys LOVED watching the men climb into the trees with their saws.

Drew asked, "When I'm big can I have a saw like that and climb up high in the trees?" Sure buddy, when you're big.

Our little crack shot

Last weekend my Mom's neighborhood had a garage sale. She gave the girls a couple dollars each to go shopping so I took the boys along to keep them busy.

We found a deal.

Daddy was very excited about my small purchase. And Drew was thrilled to have his own "shooter". The boys played for hours that evening while the girls went to a performance with my Mom.

It's just a Nerf gun, but he is surprisingly accurate.

How are you going to talk to him?

Another of the FAQs.

I seem to hear the same three questions in the same order at least once a day:

1. When do you guys travel?
2. Does he speak any English?
3. How are you going to communicate with him?

Yes, we are bringing a 6 year old child into our family who does not speak English. But guess what? He will learn. Everyone makes it sound like we wont be able to communicate with our son. And it is true there will be less spoken communication in the beginning.

There are many ways we will work to express our desires and understand our son's needs in the beginning. For starters, I have spent the past year learning to speak our son's native language: Mandarin. I can ask him if he is hungry or tired, where his shoes or other belongings are, explain who our family members are or where we are going and other simple communications. For the most part I will be able to get major needs met if we are not understanding through other means of communication.

But for the rest of our family who do not speak or understand Mandarin we have prepared to use signs, flash cards, drawing, and charades.

We have flash cards in both Mandarin and English and will begin using them the first day we see Ty. Even if he cannot say the words, he can point to the pictures.

Our family has used Baby signs with all of our children. They all still remember them and use them when communicating with others who are non-verbal for whatever reason. The signs we use most are: more, all done, bath, drink, eat, outside, play, bye bye, milk, etc. But there is no limit to the use of signs. Signs aid in learning spoken language for those who can hear so we will also begin signing along with our spoken language to Ty from day one.

Occasionally it may help to use drawing or charades to help Ty understand what we need to communicate.

Most adults and children will use all of these methods to communicate with someone who cannot understand their language. We point, move our bodies, use noises, or even draw to get our point across. Communicating with Ty may be like this in the beginning. But you will all be shocked to see how quickly the 6 year old brain can absorb and begin to use a new language.

To help Ty with both language and bonding we have also purchased bilingual books and music. I have learned to read each of the books and sing almost all of the songs. Some of the songs use both English and Mandarin together.

The bottom line is we are constantly looking for ways to help Ty learn this new language. But we have very little concern about communication. It's not as scary as you think.

It's getting harder

The last weeks before travel were the hardest part of our first adoption. Harder than jet lag. Harder than adjusting to leaving and coming back 3 times. Harder than bringing Jacob out of the orphanage. Harder than orphan behaviors. Harder than the lock down. Harder than everything. The last month was just h-a-r-d.

Here we are again.

The motivation to get things done is very elusive. I know I need to prepare, but I just want to crawl into a hole until it's time to board the plane. My to-do list is a mile long thanks to the "natural" nesting instinct. But every day I think, "I'll do it tomorrow." I have learned through experience that everything that MUST get done gets done. And the day we board the plane, the rest just doesn't matter. But this feeling of having a ton to do and not wanting to do any of it is so annoying.

It is so exciting to have our itinerary and see all of the amazing things we will be doing in China. But it doesn't make me want to get ready, it makes me want to go! Screw packing and preparing. Can I just get on the plane? I'll figure it all out once I get there. Let's go!

I have not quite reached the complete sleepless state that we did before Russia. But I am now to the point that I have to force my eyelids shut at night and, although I feel like I slept soundly when I wake, I feel tired all day. Why does bringing a child into the family have to include lack of sleep even when there is no childbirth and it is not an infant you are bringing home?

Only 13 days left. I can do this. 13 days. Less than two weeks. It is almost here... except for all the stuff I need to get done... Sigh.

Day 19 Take Two

We have known our departure date and expected to travel to San Francisco the night before our flight to avoid an early morning the day we leave. But we discovered it will be less expensive to fly out of Sacramento and so we do not need to travel to San Francisco the night before. So we add one more day to our count down and keep inching closer to our trip.

We received our passports and visas this week and also ran across a new friend on Facebook who is in China this week and visited our orphanage.

I love hearing about my boy. Just 19 days to go...

Day 19

Day 19- Park date

I love the way girls play...

Compared to how boys play...

Day 20

Day 20- Swim date

Too cool to eat with the little kids

Day 21

Day 21- Summer Bucket List: Cook a meal over a fire

The idea was to cook over a fire... but since there is no time for camping before China, we made do with what we had...

Cooking over a fire and eating outdoors in 100 degree heat is only fun if there is also swimming:

 Perfection

Are ya gonna do that cocoon thing again?

This has been one of the most common questions I have heard lately as we get closer and closer to our travels. Most of our close friends and family experienced the cocoon right along side us and learned first hand why we chose to be so restrictive in our first months home with Jacob. Many of those who watched from afar have commented on how they admired our determination to help Jacob adjust. But everyone wants to know what we are going to do, "this time."

The simple answer is: yes.

When Ty comes home we will re-institute "The Cocoon". However, Ty is not Jacob so most of the cocooning process will look differently this time. Since so many have asked, here is a breakdown of the cocoon-take-two:

Ty has come from a very different background than Jacob did. Part of the reason we went through an extended lock down in our home was because Jacob was a 13 month old baby who had never been outside of his orphanage before. He was, in many ways, still developmentally an infant. Jacob was noticeably overwhelmed by new environments and the consequences of leaving our "cocoon" would require several days of recovery.

Ty is an active 6-year-old boy who has experienced the outside world. We feel blessed to have received pictures of him receiving school lessons, Kung Fu lessons and basketball lessons. We have pictures of him performing with a microphone in front of an audience, visiting local museums, and video of him performing his Kung Fu for an audience. We have seen several photos of him digging in the dirt, riding scooters, and climbing rocks around the orphanage grounds. Ty is a child experiencing the world inside and out.

However, Ty is still going to experience the same losses that Jacob did. And he has spent 5 more years than Jacob becoming accustomed to what is "normal". Loosing language, culture, and everything familiar to him is going to have a deep impact on our little boy.

So, just like the first time we arrived home from an international adoption, we will invite anyone and everyone to come meet our new son at the airport and celebrate his arrival with us for a brief moment there. But once we arrive home from the airport, we will close our home to visitors and remain on a "lock down" for a time.

Will we really stay inside our home for weeks on end? No. But "lock down" is an excellent description of our intent for our first weeks home. No visitors, no public outings, no doctor appointments. Just family time in and around our home. Our purpose the first two weeks will be to adjust to the time change, adjust to the food change and establish a routine. After that, Ty's responses will help us to set and continually adjust the pace for new experiences. Our son will need time to adjust physically, grieve emotionally, and prepare himself mentally to experience these continual changes.

When we brought Jacob home we had a flexible plan in place: month 1-lockdown, month two-controlled minimal outings, month 3-continued controlled outings as well as planned extended family interaction, month 4-routine outings like grocery stores and church, month 6-day outings. We planned ahead and pretty much stuck to the plan while continually watching for needed adjustments.

Honestly, this time, I don't have a plan. After our first two weeks we will let Ty set the pace. Jacob's cocoon was heavily focused on exposure to the outside world as a whole. Ty's cocoon will instead be focused on gradual introductions to social exposure. You will see us "out and about" much sooner than we were with Jacob. But you will notice things like Ty holding our hand around groups or being reminded to stay close and check in often (more than you may think necessary). You may hear us asking others to avoid physical touch (hugs, hand holding, even high fives) in the beginning. You may notice we will be protective about others offering our son help. It may seem as though we are hovering over him in the beginning. These are all parts of the cocoon in action.

The purpose of the cocoon is to build attachment and bonding. We are trying to teach our new son that he can trust us and should look to us at all times. We need to teach him to rely on us, not himself or others. As soon (or as long as it takes for him) as he demonstrates the ability and desire to rely on us as his parents, we will relax the social cocoon. And if it becomes necessary to retreat and lock down more than once, we will. It just depends on how he reacts to this new "American" family experience.

So, as usual, please be patient with our family. And if we do something that seems really weird, just blame the cocoon.

Day 22

Day 22-Summer Buck List: picnic at the river

With temperatures over 105 degrees, a cold-fried-chicken dinner and swimming in the river was the perfect family night activity.