Tired

I admit it. I actually believed preparing to bring home a one-year old would be easier than preparing to give birth. I secretly smirked to myself when thinking how "easy" it would be to "just" pack a suitcase. I imagined myself well rested and full of sunshine. I thought it would be so nice to be "myself" right up to the day we grabbed our little boy and never had to let go. No achy back and hips. No swollen hands and feet. No wrestling with the watermelon attached to my mid-section every night in bed. No fatigue from carrying around 35 extra pounds 24/7. And, of course, no labor!

But reality is setting in a bit here. I am not well rested. I can hardly settle my excitement long enough to force my eyelids shut at night. My to-do list seems to keep getting longer rather than shorter. And it seems any time I am able to settle into my pillow and begin to drift, that's when a new epiphany strikes me or I am suddenly jolted back to awareness of everything that must be done before we leave.

During the last week of my pregnancy with Drew I was immensely uncomfortable. He was wreaking havoc on my been-through-this-twice-already body and I was ready to do jumping jacks hoping it might cause him to just fall out. Today I have an all too familiar ache that reminds me of that last week before Drew's delivery. I want to just get there all ready. I'm tired of not sleeping. I'm tired of preparing. I'm tired of thinking.

The world seems to have begun to spin around me. While Drew was at preschool today I thought I would blow through my to-do list like wildfire. But instead I found myself wandering from room to room trying to remember why I had just walked in there. I couldn't focus to save my life. All I can think about is the fact that in two short days we will finally leave for the last time. In two short days there will be nothing left on the to-do list. In two short days we will leave our 3 children and return a week later to 4.

I thought it would be different adopting a baby. It's not. It's the same. The same emotion, the same love, the same worry, the same effort, the same devotion. I can't wait for this day to finally get here, just like all the others.