Not The Norm

Things have been crazy lately. Like, really crazy.

I know, I have 5 kids.

But this is just not normal.

First there was this:

Thursday, September 25, The Cone of Shame. Fortunately, just for one week.

Then this:

Friday, September 26, Kitty cone of shame. He needs 4-6 weeks. No, they were not related incidents.

Then this:

Saturday, September 27, First ER visit

All while juggling this:

11 school and therapy related appointments, 6 church related activities/commitments, 3 home and business related appointments, 3 doctor related appointments. And this was all in the last 13 days!

Sprinkle in the normal fluky things that happen in a big family like the car battery dying, Amber spraining her foot in a soccer game, Jacob smacking his chin (no stitches, yay!), refinancing our home loan, the "check engine" light coming on in the car, and a couple home-projects we keep trying to start and finish, and it gets a little more wild.

Then sprinkle in the "real" busyness of a family of 7: soccer practices (5 nights a week), homework, dance and singing for the girls, carpool, Saturday soccer games (4 every week), planning a birthday party, cooking, laundry, you know, the day-to-day realities, and this is just not believable. This cannot be "normal."

Fortunately, I know this is not our new norm. It is not possible to continue with this many appointments, injuries, and items on the to-do list. It will settle. And when it does we will wonder what to do with ourselves. Cuz this is crazy.

Do I feel overwhelmed? Actually, no. I'm not sure why but I think it must just be some heavenly help. Just like when Jacob first came home, there is an unusual peace in our home. It is crazy, busy, and often loud. But not overwhelming, not chaotic, not burdensome. I can't explain why, but I just feel peace, joy, and appreciation.

When I look back over what we have done an accomplished in the last 13 days I can't even believe it. How did we do all that and still feel so good about it? And at the same I am basking in that peace, I also feel relief that this is just not our new norm. I am thankful for that gift of clarity and perspective in this moment.

First E.R. Visit

I say first because I fully anticipate being back in the ER with this particular child in the future. For the past few weeks I have been saying that it is only a matter of time before the real injuries start. Ty has changed the dynamic in our household. These boys are getting more adventurous in general. But Ty, he is just something else. No fear. Not enough inhibition. Poor awareness of danger. And the "I can do anything" mindset that we LOVE, but may soon learn to hate a little too.

What happened you ask? This was a simple matter of Dad-said-no-and-I-did-it-anyway.

The girls had all gone with Nana to a women's broadcast. The boys headed out to Home Depot. Dad was pushing a large flat-bed cart and all three boys were sitting together on the cart giggling and playing. As all boys do, they wanted to try putting their hands down on the cement floor (dirt and boys are like attracting magnets). Dad first told Jacob no. Then Dad told Ty no with the added, "I just told Jacob no." Ty replied with, "Oh, sorry." Yet 60 seconds later, that hand went back down when Dad wasn't looking, and off went the tip of Ty's ring finger.

I got the call and met them at the ER. As we drove up Brad and the boys were walking in. Ty was noticeably unhappy but not crying the way I would expect him to. Once he saw that I was there, Ty seemed glad to see me. He let his pain show like a little boy in his mama's arms should.

They took us back immediately. After a shot of Novocaine (not pleasant!) Ty started to perk up and feel pretty good. Once the numbness took effect I showed him how to push the buttons on the reclining chair. From then on it was almost all fun and games.

Dad brought us Jamba Juice and smiles and giggles returned to the room.

Ty got a kick out of taking silly pictures of me.

Sewing everything back on was a little rough. But only until he allowed me to put him in my lap and distract him from staring at the doctor moving everything around. Once I held him and redirected his gaze he relaxed and just "chilled" through the rest of the procedure.

We have all learned a lot from this experience. One of the huge bonuses to pain and anguish is bonding. That may sound odd, but it is pretty much at the top of the "bright side" list. Pain opens up the opportunity for trust and comfort. Not only the injury itself but the consequences of using one hand: help dressing, help bathing, help for pain medication and antibiotics. Ty is forced (without us doing the forcing) to rely on us for more than he normally would.

Ty did not want anyone to know about this injury. He did not want to go to church today. He walked with his injured hand behind his back. He will not let me take pictures of him if his hand is in the frame. He asked if he could stay home from school.

He didn't want me taking pictures of him that showed his hand. He asked to delete this one, but I convinced him it was okay.

Could this be a realization that he made a mistake; some kind of embarrassment over not listening and having such a huge natural consequence? Possibly, but not likely. Ty comes from a culture that does not accept differences. Having your hand bandaged up is like a neon sign. We wonder what his real motivation is for hiding his injury. But he seems to be relaxing about it and understanding my explanations of why it is okay.

In the end, his finger will heal just fine. But it was one heck of a lesson on "dad-knows-what-he's-talking-about."

Movie Night!

Saturday Ty discovered Star Wars in our movie cupboard. We had given all the boys hair cuts and so they had showered well before bedtime. It was the perfect excuse for a movie night.

Waiting for the girls to shower

Monkeys. They just have to jump.

Can you tell who is excited in this picture?

Popcorn and a movie. That's the way to do a Saturday night.

San Francisco

After spending the morning in Oakland Friday, we needed to go into San Francisco for Brad to take care of a business meeting. While Brad took care of business, the kids and I took a 1.5 mile jaunt over to the Round Table Pizza for lunch. After Brad was done it was time to play.

First stop: Golden Gate park. Everyone was happy to pull up to this playground.

We walked up to Stow Lake and had a great time exploring the island.

Walking back to the car Ty asked if I would carry him. I was already carrying Jacob on my back, so I said no. He asked again. I said no again. Then he clung to my waist, looked into my eyes with his sweet little grin, and said, "Please?" I finally recognized this opportunity (and remembered the sweet moments I was able to carry him while camping) and had a change of heart. 

I don't go to the gym. This is why:

Yes. I carried them both to the car.

We drove over to the Golden Gate Bridge for some quick pictures before dinner. Traffic was rough, so we only spent about 20 minutes here. It was lovely though.

Jacob and Brad fell asleep in the car. We had fun without them.

We went into China Town for dinner. Ty was very excited. And we realized how much China Town really does feel like China. Hordes of people moving up and down the street. People walking out into traffic. Traffic driving all crazy. Honking horns. Outdoor markets. Signs in Chinese all over the place. It was very familiar. Ty exclaimed, "This-a-Chinese!" as we drove through the streets of China Town.

Dinner was fabulous. And our kids were great. It was the perfect end to a great day.

Oakland

Friday we decided to pull the kids out of school for a little day trip. Brad had personal business to attend to in Oakland and work business to take care of in San Francisco. It was a good opportunity to spend some family time out of town.

Our first stop was Oakland. While daddy spent about an hour at the VA office, the kids and I entertained ourselves. I'm not sure why but I suggested they jump off the steps while I took a picture. This entertained them for a solid 20 minutes. Even Caity seemed to enjoy it.

All mine.

Oh, Mr. Personality, how I love him so.

Ty and Amber continue to be very close. They have reached the true sibling status including bickering (in broken English) and picking on each other the majority of the time. But when they are sweet, they are so incredibly sweet.

Since we had time to burn I encouraged the kids to gather fallen leaves into a pile for jumping. I was impressed to watch them clear the area by hand and amass quite a stack.

Ty was given the privilege of first jump since he put in the most effort.

Then the rest of the kiddos joined in for some good old fashioned fun. I love moments like these.

After Dad was finally done we drove over to the Oakland Temple. We didn't have time to spend in the visitor's center so we just walked around the temple grounds and enjoyed the views.

Photo bomb courtesy of Mr. "Me too!"

It was a lovely morning in Oakland.

It is a rare occasion...

It only happens once in a while. But if I ever take a moment to attempt this:

Somehow my little people know and they come running. It is as if there is a silent alarm that only ears under the age of 5 can hear.

But, I must admit, sometimes the silent alarms are worth it.

2 months home

Another month gone. Time is flying. And yet we have done so much since coming home it is hard to believe Ty has only been home a matter of weeks.

Is he learning English?

Yup.

Just a few of Ty's common phrases:
-I got it.
-It's my turn.
-I had it first
(oh yes, he is the middle of 5 children)
-More please.
-Mama, open please.
-Come on, let's go!
-I need help, please.
-Mama, can I have watermelon?
-I need to brush teeth.
-Oh, sorry.

His grammar is coming along. He still needs reminders to address the person he is talking to (which means a lot of the time he sounds demanding). But he is now to the point that he can express almost anything using words and gestures together.

How about food?

Ty eats everything now. We still get an occasional yucky face when trying something new (like the deviled egg he tried this weekend). But he is learning to control his need to make sure everyone in the room knows when he doesn't like something. And there are many foods he is coming around to that were not included in his initial "yummy" list.

Ty is still working on table manners. Old habits die hard. But he has gotten to the point where he can recognize on his own when he has been smacking  or slurping and excuse himself while sheepishly chewing with his mouth closed. I love how hard he tries.

Is he doing okay in school?

No. He is rocking it like a superstar! Ty is amazing. Really. He is so dang smart. Homework is a breeze. His teacher is thrilled. And, by golly, I am down right giddy. This boy is so anxious to assimilate and fit in to this new environment.

Yes, Mama wrote a few of these. But his writing is awesome.

Ty is LOVING his Mandarin class. He anxiously participates every week. He loves having all the right answers.

Sleep?

Like a rock. But it has been really cute to watch him go through the normal progression of testing that all of my kids seemed to do as toddlers. How many times can I get up to go to the bathroom before they come tell me to stop? Can I get more than one sip of water? What if I try just walking back out there, will they let me stay up? Can I sing to myself loud enough that they'll hear without them shushing me?

The testing phase is almost fun with him. He only has to try it once and he, so far, has responded immediately to our gentle boundaries. But for some reason watching him discover those boundaries is entertaining and almost enjoyable. Probably because (again, so far) he has respected them.

How about behavior?

What is that in the distance?

Just a big brother taking his little brother to play.

Ty is starting to act like a brother. And he is starting to act like a member of our family. This has come with both good and bad. Having him come spontaneously give mom a hug with a giant smile on his face or quietly snuggle up for some lovin' feels so good. Watching him light up and yell, "Daddy!" when Brad walks in the door after a long day of work is exhilarating. And watching Ty be a protective, loving, and sometimes bossy big or little brother brings me joy. But loving and interacting with big and little siblings leaves plenty of room for error and correction...

For the very first time this past week Ty was sent to his bed (our family's "time out"). He had seen this scenario plenty of times with all of his sibs during these past weeks. He knew it didn't necessarily mean he was in trouble. In our house going to your bed just means, "We need to talk about this and either you, or sometimes I, need a minute to calm down and think about it first." So, it was like he had done it a hundred times before. No big deal. He went immediately. Sat calmly and waited for me to come. Told me his side of the story. Accepted my guidance and redirection. And apologized to his brother.

Two days later he was sent by his Dad for an offense with a different brother. It was a slightly bigger offense, and he showed an appropriate amount of remorse. But still the same response to the correction. No big deal. Our adoption training warns us that an adopted child is likely to respond differently to correction than the others. We are careful about the way we correct and redirect our new family members. But Ty just goes with the flow. No problem... yet.

It can't really be that good, can it?

I agree. We are still waiting for "the hard part". But, with a 6 year old child, it may not come for another decade. Not joking. This honeymoon could just keep going. He really could be "one of those kids" that was just so ready to make it to his family. But, the reality is no adoption occurs without loss. Period. And no loss comes without consequences. Even if those consequences take years to surface. And so, we welcome the continuation of this honeymoon.