Small changes, big effect

Each time we have added another family member things have gotten wild for a while. Just like my infants who deprived us of sleep and took several months to settle into a routine and schedule, my new big kids have all needed a few months to find their place and settle in. And regardless of how the new addition has come to our family, Brad and I have always taken a few months to figure out the new logistics and adjust to the new needs of our group.

We have had a couple 'aha' moments in the past few weeks that have made us change the way we've been doing things. I am now wondering how we have not been doing these things all along.

The biggest change has been in our morning routine. For the past year, since we moved to our new home, I have been driving the kids 20 minutes down the freeway to attend school. Yes, we have schools right here in our new town. But we love our school and the one-drop-stop made the drive worth it. If the kids were attending schools near our home I would have 5 schools to drop off and pick up with 4 different start and end times. Driving 20 minutes to school for one stop makes more sense than spending 2 or more hours each day dropping off and picking up from 4 different schools.

But with new needs and new children the 45 minute drive every morning was just not ideal. It dawned on me that Brad drives by the school every morning on the way to work just one hour before we were making the drive. So, after pleading my case, Brad agreed to try working from home the first hour of his day and then taking the kids to school on his way to work. And it is working!!

Not spending those 45 minutes in the car in the morning has made so many things better!

-Being home in the morning has allowed Caity and I both an extra 15 minutes sleep. How can such a short amount of time feel so much better? Simply having the flexibility to eat my breakfast after the kids leave gives me an extra 10-15 minutes to get them out the door.
-I am able to prepare breakfast and lunches for ALL 10 family members. Brad and Caity used to be on their own in this department because they both left the house too early. I've been looking for a way to get healthy food to work with Brad for a while now. There just wasn't enough time before he left for the office. Now it's a piece of cake.
-I have the time to work with Aiden on reading and music before school. This is a HUGE help to speech development that I just did not have time for before. It only takes about 15 minutes. And I couldn't find 15 minutes anywhere else in our day.
-I have time to stay on top of the morning dishes. Again, such a little shift. But it has a domino effect on our day. We were truly struggling to keep up with the dishes.
-Because I have the time to tidy up a bit and get my bearings before having to rush out the door my stress level is so much better. Now that Dad is making the school run I have a handle on our home environment before leaving the house instead of sprinting from place to place constantly behind stressing out about the things I am not doing at home.

The best part about this change is it has had very little effect on Brad. He is still driving the same route. He is still getting the same amount of work done. And he gets the bonus of good food and a morning connection with all of us he was missing before.

Seriously? How were we not doing this sooner?

A coupe months ago Brad was able to negotiate some changes to his pay structure. And together we finally created a family budget that made sense and met ALL our family needs. Again, same resources, just reorganized. All of the sudden our family budget is healthy! Just a little change and all of the sudden a huge stressor is dismissed. We are now excited for weekly budget meetings rather than dreading them. We are optimistic for our financial future for the first time in about 6 years.

How were we not doing this sooner?

The last major change has been Jacob's school arrangements. This one was less about a small change we could make and more about God finally putting the pieces in the place that Jacob needed and us being patient enough to wait for them. Last year Jacob was a Transitional Kindergarten dropout. He attended TK from August to November before I pulled him out and chose to home school instead. I would not change what I did. It was absolutely the right thing for him. But I have been waiting and watching and just last week I stumbled upon a Kindergarten class that seems like the right fit for him. He's been attending for a week now and is LOVING it. And that last little change of all the baby birds being away from the nest at school part of the day has made mama's life feel normal again.

Suddenly the laundry is caught up. The cupboards are full of food again. The house is closer to the 'tidy standard' this mama likes to keep. Things like Family Home Evening and date nights are back on the calendar. Homework is getting done. The cars are getting emptied and cleaned. The trash can is getting put on the curb on the right day. Things are just starting to settle.

Now to get my head up and look ahead again. Planning and prep time has been reclaimed!

Deep exhale...

Random thoughts

I have taken the time over the past several days to organize my pictures from this summer. Phew. That was quite a task. I wanted to make some updates here on the blog. But to be honest, it is way too overwhelming. So instead I am going to put together an update video for YouTube of our summer adventures. (coming soon, I hope)

We hiked, we camped, we visited family out of state, we swam, we set off fireworks, we explored caves, we rafted on rivers, we played at parks and splash pads, we rode water slides and slip and slides, we picked cherries, we went to the zoo, we jumped off rocks into the rivers, we picnicked, we had movie nights, we saw a parade, we had a dance party, we mini golfed, we went ice skating, we handled reptiles, we took advantage of as many friend's pools and public pools as we could find. And we did it all together. It was an amazing summer that I don't want to forget.

There are a few pictures that wont make the cut for the video but I still want to remember. So here are some random pictures and thoughts  outside of the long list of adventures from our summer:

Ty and his buddy, Chris, fishing at the river.

This boy. If you have read our blog over the past 3 years you will know that this boy gives us a run for our money. He has been a challenge to us in a good way and sometimes a challenge in a more real way. Ty is THE most amazingly gifted kiddo I know in many regards. He is remarkably curious and intelligent. He is ridiculously athletic. He is wildly adventurous. And he is super fun to be around. But it is fair to say this boy has stretched and grown us individually and as a family over the past 3 years. I am trying to decide if I will share in another post more detail. But I want to at least mention the miraculous changes that have happened this summer. 

Ty is no longer the odd man out. He has finally moved beyond the 'outsider' status and has snuggled himself into our family unit in a way I worried might never happen. I have heard before that children who come from a traumatic past can make significant gains when the "tides change" and they have been in their 'permanent' home and family longer than they were in institution care. I put permanent in air quotations on purpose. To a child who has lost their family, you cannot simply say, "We are forever." Their first family was not. Their second living arrangements were not. Forever does not exist to them. 

Ty spent just under 3 years in the orphanage. And this July we celebrated 3 years together as a family. This summer, Ty's tides finally changed. Ty seems to have figured out his forever. 

Amber and Aiden driving home from Utah.

Somehow, Aiden seems to have slipped through all of the 'adoption norms' unscathed. He remains the current favorite of the younger siblings and the girls. He continues to be a daily delight. He eagerly embraces everything that is our family. I am still in disbelief. But after almost 5 months I have to believe this is real. Aiden was SO ready for his family. SO ready to learn. SO ready to participate. He is shocking all of the school staff with his ability to acquire new signs and spoken language. He amazes other parents and coaches with his ability to blend in on the soccer field. He anxiously jumps into whatever activity our family participates in: jumping off rocks, climbing trees, swimming in lakes and rivers, fundraising for his soccer team, saying the prayer for family home evening. He is never scared or shy. Never hesitant or uninterested. Aiden remains the ooey gooey lovey joy he has been since day one.

Drew showing his diving board rash after a swimming incident.

And then there is this boy. Drew just keeps pulling at mama's heart strings. You would think after adding 5 brothers in 5 years this boy might get a little lost in the shuffle. Not gonna happen on his watch. Drew is known in our family as the 'bed weasel' and we will often hear the term 'weaseling' as a descriptive from his siblings. This is not meant as a negative descriptive at all. Drew is just particularly skilled in getting himself into whatever others around him are trying to keep him out of. If there are snuggles happening in mom and dad's bed or on the couch, Drew will manage to appear in the middle of it. If there is a hug in the hallway, Drew will again somehow manage to become the peanut butter and jelly in the hug sandwich. If there is a game being played that is supposed to be full, he will find a way to share the pieces with someone to participate. This does not usually result in negative responses from his siblings. We all laugh about it together because of his skill. You don't even know it is happening until he is there.

Drew continues to hold the sweet spot and sway over mama. In the pictures above Drew had an accident on the diving board and received a decent amount of rub rash. I snapped these pictures and realized there is one solitary tear in his right eye in the shot I got. That picture is the perfect example of the power he holds over me. It still makes my heart squeeze to look at it.

The Rain Gutter Regatta at Boyscouts.

I cannot even describe how excited Drew and Aiden were to begin Boy scouts this summer. They love every moment of it. Ty still loves scouts too. And I love watching the three of them in their adorable uniforms. 

Drew and Aiden wearing 'their' cochlear implants.

All of the kids have been learning ASL with us and all are super supportive of Aiden. But Drew has taken a special interest and often talks about how cool it is to be deaf. Drew loves to 'translate' for Aiden when in new environments with his limited little ASL knowledge. Aiden knows more sign than any of us already. But he graciously allows Drew to 'help' him understand what teachers and leaders are trying to say to him in spoken English. Aiden seems to enjoy the comradery from Drew and loves when our family members sign and help him learn how to say new words. Drew found a chip clip that he claims is his CI (cochlear implant) and wears it around the house and on outings occasionally. I love that Drew wants to connect with and support his brother. And I love that Aiden sees his efforts for what they are. Drew's little chip-clip CI is just an extra adorable touch.

All I want for Christmas..

Just this past weekend Drew lost his second front tooth. I need to get video of this kid talking before the adult chiclets grow in. So freaking cute.

The rest of the crew is hanging in there. Caity will be getting her permit soon and begs us to drive whenever a spare moment presents itself. Nathan has finally figured out how to use his voice and is gaining confidence in his English skills. Just this morning he came up with, "Dude," about every 5 seconds when referring to his brothers. Justin has managed to hold a part time job for three consecutive months and is experiencing some success with his grades. We are holding onto our butts for graduation this year and are super proud of his progress. Amber has truly found her groove at school and is loving her teacher. This year I was actually able to relax through the summer-to-school transition with her. I am super excited for what the next year or two will bring that girl. And Jacob just continues to be the baby. Lately there has been a lot of talk about how spoiled Jacob will be someday to be one of the last ones home. The kids say we will finally have acreage and 'the dream house', Jacob will have his own room, he wont have to share a car with anyone, and mom and dad will be so tired the rules will be so much lighter for him. Ha! The imaginings of the teenagers.

I have 8 kids

I have gotten into the habit lately of stopping to tell myself, "I have 8 kids."

Too often I am frustrated or even defeated by things that I am too busy to do, have forgotten to do, am running late to do, really need to do but never get to do, or just things I see others doing that I wish I could be doing. Many times I wallow for a split second ('cause that's all the time I can spare for such things) in my desire for more time.

But recently I have taken to responding to that little internal gremlin with the simple statement: "I have 8 kids."

I choose what I do with my time. And I have chosen 8 children. They are worth every missed social opportunity. They are worth missed soccer games (mine not theirs). They are worth mountains of laundry and dishes that never seem to be 'caught up.' They are worth literal hours in the car each day when I 'could be doing...' something, anything, else. They are worth sitting in doctors offices and therapy appointments instead of something, anything, else. They are worth hours of meal planning, grocery lists, shopping and continual food prep. They are worth every mundane never-ending task. They are worth all the worry, discussions, meetings, and new action plans. They are worth every minute of my time. And they have it all.

One of the things on that long list of  "If I just had a little more time I could..." has been the blog. I want to apologize to my future self. I know there are some of you out there who enjoy reading these little snippets of our craziness. But, though I love you and your support, this blog is not for you. This blog is for me and, hopefully, someday it will be for the 8 kids I am working so hard for.

This is our record. Our memory. Our reality. I want to be able to come back to this blog and read about what we were doing. I want to see the pictures and videos I have forgotten. To remember the growth and changes. And someday I want my kiddos to come read and gain a new perspective of what they remember too.

So, future self: I am trying. And I will not quit. But sorry. It's hard.

It's also okay.

'Cause I have 8 kids...