But for those of you who know God and enjoy seeing His "hands" at work I hope this post will lift you up.
Today I have been humbled yet again to find another "little" miracle. We are one short week away to our final departure to Russia. With packing lists in mind I was again taking inventory of what we still needed to buy for Jacob. Not satisfied with the prices at Costco and Carters I went to Marshalls to get the rest of the "must haves". I audibly groaned when the clerk rattled off the total. Not because it was a huge amount. Not because anything I was purchasing was unusually expensive. But because every penny counts and we are barely sliding over the finish line of adoption expenses as it is.
A little part of me called out to my Father in Heaven with a silent plea, "please make this work." Not the tiny purchase of clothing for our boy, but the grand picture of needing to borrow to finish our travels right before the slow season at work. The thought that every extra dollar we are spending now could be a dollar we wish we had in December. The realization that diapers and formula are now officially back on my monthly budget. The acknowledgement that we now have 4 growing bodies to clothe and I have neglected their wardrobes as long as possible.
Now, I cannot possibly claim that we are in any kind of financial hardship. We are richly blessed and are fully prepared and able to provide all of our children's needs comfortably. But we commited to this adoption and followed what we believe to be a prompting to move forward in faith and not worry about the money. It did not take faith to commit to the expenses. It took faith to let go of the worry.
I don't know about you, but I believe my God knows me pretty well. He knows that I am a penny pincher. He knows that I watch everything carefully and spend far more time than I should "thinking". When my God chose to place my son in Russia and ask me to go get him, He knew I would move heaven and earth to make it happen. But He wanted me to learn from this process.
When we first explored the possibility of international adoption and heard some of the common problems for children raised in an orphanage, we had to move forward in faith. I needed to know what I was getting into, but I also needed to let go and trust.
When we learned the expenses involved in international adoption, Russia in particular, we had to pick our jaws up off the floor, let go, and trust.
When we received our referral sooner than expected and had to completely drain our adoption savings account to submit our dossier paperwork we worried that we would not have enough money to move to the next step in our adoption. We had to let go and trust.
Every step of this process has been a learning opportunity. And I think if I could sum up the lesson I am repeating over and over again it would be Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."
My Father in Heaven knows me. He knows my son in Russia. He knows all of the friends and family that He will use to bless our family and bring us together. I am sure in my moments of hyper-vigilance He is calmly smiling like any parent watching a child who feels frustrated or lost. And He is lovingly whispering to me, "be still and know". When I can let go long enough to hear Him, I am reminded of why we are on this journey to Russia.
So here I am again, humbled to see that God's ways are not my ways. I arrived home from Marshalls today to find 3 large boxes on my front porch. I had just purchased socks and sleepers at Marshalls, and was still in need of church clothes, jackets and outfits in size 12 months. Wouldn't you know it, all three boxes were packed full of socks, sleepers, onsies, hats, darling church clothes, shoes, and jackets.
Hey, Kim: be still and know.
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