I love making these videos. This is the reason we love adoption: we get to participate in changing a life. Not because we change it. Not because we are special. Not because we have any kind of power or ability to alter the course of a child's life. But because God does. We just get to be a part of it and experience it first-hand.
Justin told me about a week ago, "Mom, in Ukraine I am only this (frowning face), in America I am light." I love the way he described this to me: "I am light." He can see the difference in himself. He can feel the changes happening. And we are lucky enough, blessed enough, fortunate enough, and for some reason deemed worthy enough to experience this with not one, but three amazing boys. These boys have not just transformed themselves as individuals, they have transformed our entire family. We are blessed just because we said yes.
Now, while I am standing on this mountain top proclaiming "Glory be to God!" I want to point out to the outsiders looking in: no part of adoption is easy, but is it SOOOOOOO worth it. Many people watch gotcha day videos on YouTube and adoption videos like our own and think adoption is 'easy.' You just say yes and you are swept away on a beautiful adventure full of love and healing. That is only partly true. I want to recognize that word 'true' because saying yes is the best decision we have ever made. Beauty, love, and healing are a huge part of this process. But there are still many parts of this process that are really ugly and just plain hard. Because it is parenting. And parenting is hard. And parenting adopted children is even harder. And parenting older adopted children is even harder. And parenting older adopted children from difficult pasts is even harder.
So while you sit watching adoption videos like mine feeling the Spirit tell you how amazing adoption and redemption is (because it is SO amazing) don't forget that God calls us to difficult things. And if you run into 'that' friend who is living adoption, and he or she doesn't seem to be enjoying their 'amazing' ride or appreciating the 'redemption,' realize there is a whole lot more going on behind the uplifting music and smiling pictures of their videos.
We adoptive mamas and daddies are battling for every smile between the clicks of the camera. We are continually coaching ourselves to listen to the uplifting music ourselves. We are watching the adoption videos we made over and over again to remind ourselves of why we did this. And we are crying through the videos just like you do when we feel the Spirit testifying that THIS is what God needed us to do to rescue His children.
Part of me makes these videos for my boys so that they can see and remember everything that happened and remember how much fun we had. And, I will admit, part of me does make these videos for family, friends, and strangers on YouTube who leave supportive comments (it's funny how powerful a 'like' can be). But mostly, I make these videos for me. To remind me on those ugly or really hard days how deeply I love these boys. How hard I fought, am still fighting, and will continue to battle for them every day of my life. And how this was all God's idea, so it can be beautiful even when it's hard.
Right now in the thick of it I feel moments of understanding. Moments of clarity for each of these boys and what it really means for them to be here, in America, in our home, in our family, rather than where they came from. But I know some day I will stand before my Father in Heaven and he will put his arm around me and show me what it really meant. And I will fall to my knees.
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