My cheerleader

Jacob keeps very close tabs on Mommy these days. If I step outside to grab something from the car or get the mail from the mailbox, he is right there to make sure I don't go too far or too long.

 

This part is my favorite. It happens every time. He does a little "cheer" each time I return to the door.

It's nice to be loved.

a little eager

I admit it: I am guilty. Once we started peeking out of the cocoon after Christmas, I got carried away. It is so hard to remember that Jay has never seen all of the things that are just part of normal life for us. I was so excited to be able to run errands I resumed 'normal' life like a horse out of a starting gate. In one week's time we were making daily outings. It was, after all, only one new outing each day. That's pretty slow and easy, right?

I have come to realize that Jacob needs me to be more like Marlin from "Finding Nemo". He wants to peek out of the cocoon, and back in, out and back in, and a third time: out and back in. Even one outing a day is too much. His exposure seems to be cumulative. But when I stop to think about it, it makes sense.

Here's an example: we took the boys to the park thinking it would be a nice mellow outdoor activity. Jacob was excited to be somewhere new. But when I put him down he froze. He stiffly walked about 2 or 3 steps and looked up at me in fear. He had never walked on a rubbery surface like that before. It looked funny, it felt different on his feet, and he didn't know if he could trust it. I reassured him and he settled and started to explore.

Then he decided to toddle off the rubber into the tanbark. Another foreign surface. He tripped after the second step and put his hands down. Shock. He tried to pick them up and the bark stuck to his little hands. He fussed and began to pant. More reassurance from Mommy and he tried to be brave. But despite his best efforts he could not relax enough to play.

 

We moved on and explored other areas of the park and tried the swing.

 

 

 

Overall I think he had fun (or we wouldn't have stayed). But every new walking surface brought fear and trepidation. Brick, concrete, wood, grass, sand, tanbark, rubber, I never realized how many different surfaces are in a park!

 

 

The park is only one small example. Pretty much everywhere we go is a brand-new shocking experience for Jay. It's funny how many things I take for granted and assume should be easy for him to handle. Driving in the car the other night I realized how strange it would look to Jay watching street lights and shopping center lights "float" by him when he had never left the confines of his orphanage after daylight hours let alone rode in a car.

 

This is hard for me. I am a black-and-white, all-or-nothing kind of gal. It's challenging trying to be out of the cocoon but not in the world. It's tricky trying to gauge how much is too much. And its a bit overwhelming to feel like I can go out, but only "a little". How do I choose what to do? My first picks are surely not going to match Jacob's needs.

I am trying to remind myself that, just like the lock down in the cocoon, this time will pass. Just a few more weeks and he will be more equipped to handle life as the 4th child being dragged around town. Patience has never been my strong suit...

Caution to the wind

I'm not sure what came over me. But I needed some adult interaction and invited my Mom for lunch at my house. After lunch my Mom asked if I had anything sweet in the house. For some reason I blurted out, "we could go get something..." And... we... did!

Jay thought it was the best idea ever!

 

 

 

1, 2, skip a few

We've been home 2 months now... and something has changed in the last week. It seems like all of the sudden things are real. Life is resuming and feels normal again. The cocoon is still here, but Jacob can handle outings and new people without a 24-48 hour lock down to recover. He is trusting Mommy and finding immediate comfort at home. We have figured out his little signs and needs and he has learned to rely on us for help. I understand now why the recommended 'lockdown' is 2-3 months.

Things that are changing for our boy:

-Jacob snuggles with Mommy even when it's not nap time now
-He rarely needs vertical bouncing at nap time and prefers to be cradled and rocked.
-We haven't heard his 'battle cry' in weeks
-Jacob can sit quietly (or mostly quietly) while I make his food. It's not the end of the world if his food isn't waiting when he wakes anymore.
-Jay loves the outdoors and enjoys playing with his sibs outside as much as possible.
-We have made three succesful trips to local stores. He is learning to relax in the front pack when out-and-about. Still working on settling after outings...
-His little 'vocabulary' of signs continues to grow. He even made up his own sign for 'lotion' and will ask for a massage after bath.
-Nana's house is now a favorite destination. Grandparents aren't as scary anymore. Maybe they're not strangers after all...
-Fine motor skills just keep coming. He stacked blocks for the first time this week. And then proceeded to look at me curiously as I cheered and danced around the room...
-Jacob prefers to play with his sibs now rather than watching them.
-He has one official spoken word. His very first word is... "Dada"

Jacob is pure joy!

Secret Identity

Drew loves to run through the house as 'Bat Mouse': his super hero alter ego. Every once in a while he will talk me into joining him:

In case you didn't catch it he asked me, " You get your super hero thing? See? I have mine on."  You will notice my cute red mask in the next video but cannot see my rockin' hot pink cape.

We fly through the house together vanquishing 'bad guys'. Love my boys.

Finally

Jacob's first 2 months have been amazing and he really does seem to have the basics figured out:
1. Mama is the most important person in his world.
2. Home is a comfort and where he wants to be when he's had enough.
3. His routine is reliable and he can predict what will happen next.

We have needed a grocery store visit for days. And when Brad had to work yet another Saturday I decided it was time for Jacob to show me whether or not he could handle a grocery store. I put him in the front pack and planned my route through the store for efficiency. He was excited to be somewhere new until he saw the hoards of people. His little fists clamped on to my sweatshirt and he watched in awe as we passed all the other shoppers and gathered our necessities.

We were in and out of the store pretty quickly and back home with plenty of time to play and connect before nap time. He had a hard time settling into nap. But I think my boy is finally ready to experience a little more of the world. At least, within the comfort and protection of the front pack.

Back in the game

Jacob is back to his normal happy self. So we emerged from the cocoon for a little outside play time.

Our cat, Joseph, follows Jacob around like a shadow. Every time we go outside he wont quit rubbing on Jacob as he toddles around. It's both cute and annoying.