Decorations
Cozy by the fire
And breakfast with Santa
'Tis the Season
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Oh Christmas tree
Saturday was absolutely gorgeous. The sun was shining. The air was crisp and fresh. It was the perfect day to get a Christmas tree. We decided to experiment with an outing and take Jacob (partly because neither Brad or I wanted to stay behind). I was thinking a tree-lot wouldn't be that stimulating. It's an outdoor experience. There aren't normally that many people. And I didn't remember it being all that loud in years past. I remembered wrong.
Jacob enjoyed being outside, was fascinated by our interest in trees, and didn't seem bothered by the hustle and bustle of the tree lot. But I became acutely aware of what a crazy environment we had taken him to. From the traffic on the street to the hordes of people to the chain saws and tree shaker it was a sensory experience to behold. It's funny how your perspective can change what you notice.
As usual, because of the overload of sensory input, Jacob had a harder time going down for his nap. But we got our tree and avoided any melt downs so it was a successful outing.
Sunday night we had Nana and Papa come for dinner and decorate the tree with us. Jacob signed all-done when they arrived. I guess he wasn't as interested in visitors as we were. But he warmed up a bit and flashed Papa a few smiles before the night was through.
As usual, because of the overload of sensory input, Jacob had a harder time going down for his nap. But we got our tree and avoided any melt downs so it was a successful outing.
Sunday night we had Nana and Papa come for dinner and decorate the tree with us. Jacob signed all-done when they arrived. I guess he wasn't as interested in visitors as we were. But he warmed up a bit and flashed Papa a few smiles before the night was through.
We chose a little tree this year and placed it on top of the coffee table. It is perfect because it makes all of the ornaments and lights just high enough that Jacob can't grab them. I am pleased to see that pine needles are apparently not as tasty as the leaves from our Japanese Maple. I am constantly pulling maple leaves out of his little clenched fists and have found a couple being munched. But not one pine needle. Go figure.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Things you should know about our adopted child
Our son lived nine months in utero with his birth mother and heard her voice every day during that time.
Our son was cared for by at least 5 different women during the first year after his birth.
The longest amount of time our son was allowed to practice forming a strong bond with his caregiver was less than 10 months.
Our son has lived in no less than 4 different residences during his first year of life: the hospital where he was born, the children's ward until he was 2 months old, the orphanage, and our home.
Our son experienced an abrupt transition to each new residence and a sudden immersion in a new environment with new caregivers. Changes included food, clothing, daily routines, child-care methods, and eventually language.
Before coming home to our family, our son had never been to a grocery store, participated in a carpool, gone to church, or even left the orphanage grounds. His first ride in a car was with us. Before arriving in America, he had never sat in a car seat.
Before coming home, our son had never seen another child over the age of 3. He had never seen a dog and likely never seen a cat. There was no pavement or grass on the orphanage grounds. Everything about our home and neighborhood is foreign to him.
Our son's first year has taught him that no one comes when you cry, the availability and consistency of food is unreliable, and anything can change at any time-there is no 'forever'.
Because of these experiences, our son has learned to expect change, loss, and discontinuity, and these experiences are reflected in his behavior. This is why we are doing so many things 'differently' and are being so restrictive and controlling of his exposure to new people, environments, and experiences.
We can expect that it will take at least the same amount of time to convince him of his new reality as it did to teach him the old reality. He spent a full year learning what he knows from Russia. It will take at least as long to teach him that this is his new life and he can trust it. We will not reach our third month home and 'magically' emerge from the cocoon ready to tackle everything at once.
Our son's identity is not just what we know, or what he will know and learn about himself, but how other's see him. Please keep this in mind as you watch our journey.
Just in case you were wondering, we think our son is amazing...
Our son was cared for by at least 5 different women during the first year after his birth.
The longest amount of time our son was allowed to practice forming a strong bond with his caregiver was less than 10 months.
Our son has lived in no less than 4 different residences during his first year of life: the hospital where he was born, the children's ward until he was 2 months old, the orphanage, and our home.
Our son experienced an abrupt transition to each new residence and a sudden immersion in a new environment with new caregivers. Changes included food, clothing, daily routines, child-care methods, and eventually language.
Before coming home to our family, our son had never been to a grocery store, participated in a carpool, gone to church, or even left the orphanage grounds. His first ride in a car was with us. Before arriving in America, he had never sat in a car seat.
Before coming home, our son had never seen another child over the age of 3. He had never seen a dog and likely never seen a cat. There was no pavement or grass on the orphanage grounds. Everything about our home and neighborhood is foreign to him.
Our son's first year has taught him that no one comes when you cry, the availability and consistency of food is unreliable, and anything can change at any time-there is no 'forever'.
Because of these experiences, our son has learned to expect change, loss, and discontinuity, and these experiences are reflected in his behavior. This is why we are doing so many things 'differently' and are being so restrictive and controlling of his exposure to new people, environments, and experiences.
We can expect that it will take at least the same amount of time to convince him of his new reality as it did to teach him the old reality. He spent a full year learning what he knows from Russia. It will take at least as long to teach him that this is his new life and he can trust it. We will not reach our third month home and 'magically' emerge from the cocoon ready to tackle everything at once.
Our son's identity is not just what we know, or what he will know and learn about himself, but how other's see him. Please keep this in mind as you watch our journey.
Just in case you were wondering, we think our son is amazing...
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Doctor, doctor
Jacob had his very first appointment with his pediatrician yesterday. He passed his exams with flying colors! Jacob blew me away yet again with his stellar response to a new and stressful environment. From an "attachment" point of view he did everything he was supposed to: looked to mommy for reassurance, showed concern when meeting each new stranger, disliked being handled by the strangers, relied on mommy for comfort and soothing, bounced back after stressful procedures (vaccinations and blood draw), and he didn't show signs of using his own coping behaviors or shutting mom out. I was so very proud!
Jay did have a rough evening because of being used as a pincushion. It was obvious his little legs were sore and he had no interest in playing after about 5:30pm. He wanted to be held and only mommy would do. Another huge sign of attachment. Yay! He had a little trouble settling into bed and ended up waking around 2am with a fever. But this morning was a whole new day and my happy boy is back.
Because of waiting for vaccines and having to drive to another facility for the blood draw our outing took almost 2 1/2 hours. Every time we were left alone together Jay was super happy and smiley. So much so that I tried to snap a quick picture while we were waiting for the lab technicians to come in for the blood draw. The very moment I snapped the picture the technician came in the room and he looked at her, so I didn't catch his super smiles. But he is still so gosh-darn handsome...
Jay did have a rough evening because of being used as a pincushion. It was obvious his little legs were sore and he had no interest in playing after about 5:30pm. He wanted to be held and only mommy would do. Another huge sign of attachment. Yay! He had a little trouble settling into bed and ended up waking around 2am with a fever. But this morning was a whole new day and my happy boy is back.
Because of waiting for vaccines and having to drive to another facility for the blood draw our outing took almost 2 1/2 hours. Every time we were left alone together Jay was super happy and smiley. So much so that I tried to snap a quick picture while we were waiting for the lab technicians to come in for the blood draw. The very moment I snapped the picture the technician came in the room and he looked at her, so I didn't catch his super smiles. But he is still so gosh-darn handsome...
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
One month home- 10 steps forward, 2 steps back
Many of the books I have read refer to adoption being a "2 steps forward, 10 steps back" experience. Our first month with Jacob has been the exact opposite. We have been blessed with a '10 step forward, 2 steps back' experience. This little boy has blown me away with his abilities. In our first month together Jacob has accomplished so much:
-learning to walk
-learning baby signs: 'more', 'all done', 'up', 'milk', 'bite', 'home', 'bye-bye', 'diaper change', 'no'
-routine: Jacob was fully adjusted to the time change within 4 days home. He slept through the night our 3rd night and was napping consistently from day one.
-chewing: Jacob loves table foods and has learned to eat everything from pizza and spaghetti to cooked vegetables, fish, eggs, anything we have he wants.
-seeking comfort: Jacob would not cry when we came home. Not for pain, discomfort, loneliness, boredom, nothing. Now he is learning to cry out in pain, whine for attention, communicate boredom, and express desires.
-growth: Jacob has gained nearly 4 pounds since leaving the orphanage! I did not have a way to measure and weigh him in Russia but based on measurements I took when we arrived home he gained over 3 and 1/2 pounds and grew 3/4 of an inch since leaving Russia.
Showing progress in so many areas so quickly is a huge accomplishment for an internationally adopted child. We have had our "2 steps back" over this last weekend though. It is actually a relief to see him regressing. If everything were perfect all the time we would not be living in reality. This past weekend Jacob has cried at random intervals twice (for a child who never cries to suddenly burst out in tears is a strange experience) and has had some sleep interruptions.
Our guess is we are either moving to quickly for him by starting to take him in the car, he is uncomfortable with Mommy leaving too often to run errands when daddy gets home (which would actually be a great indication of attachment), or he may just finally be processing his new reality and grieving the loss of his old life. Remember, he lost language, caregivers, friends, food, tastes, smells, clothing and toys, his bed, everything familiar. And until now he had shown no signs of missing any of it. A delayed reaction would be better than no reaction so I am hoping this is the case.
But this means that we need to pull on the reigns a little bit and follow him on those two steps back. So visits and outings continue to be on hold and we are trying to make things smaller again for Jay. Mom will be staying closer to home, Jacob's environment will be smaller again (staying in touching distance of mom, using natural barriers to make the area he plays in smaller, closing access to parts of the house and intentionally staying in a limited area), and we wont be adding anything else new until his sleep settles again.
By making things smaller we make his environment more manageable for his coping skills and reinforce his confidence in not only his own abilities but our position as his caregiver and leader. If he can trust us he will follow our lead and look for our guidance in new environments. Once he is secure and demonstrating healthy coping we can try to expand a little bit at a time. We will continue to take a few steps forward and then have to take a step or two back when he shows we've gone beyond his ability. This is normal and expected in all adoptions.
To be able to see so much progress in our first month home is so exciting! This is a very special little boy. We are so grateful to have him in our family.
-learning to walk
-learning baby signs: 'more', 'all done', 'up', 'milk', 'bite', 'home', 'bye-bye', 'diaper change', 'no'
-routine: Jacob was fully adjusted to the time change within 4 days home. He slept through the night our 3rd night and was napping consistently from day one.
-chewing: Jacob loves table foods and has learned to eat everything from pizza and spaghetti to cooked vegetables, fish, eggs, anything we have he wants.
-seeking comfort: Jacob would not cry when we came home. Not for pain, discomfort, loneliness, boredom, nothing. Now he is learning to cry out in pain, whine for attention, communicate boredom, and express desires.
-growth: Jacob has gained nearly 4 pounds since leaving the orphanage! I did not have a way to measure and weigh him in Russia but based on measurements I took when we arrived home he gained over 3 and 1/2 pounds and grew 3/4 of an inch since leaving Russia.
Showing progress in so many areas so quickly is a huge accomplishment for an internationally adopted child. We have had our "2 steps back" over this last weekend though. It is actually a relief to see him regressing. If everything were perfect all the time we would not be living in reality. This past weekend Jacob has cried at random intervals twice (for a child who never cries to suddenly burst out in tears is a strange experience) and has had some sleep interruptions.
Our guess is we are either moving to quickly for him by starting to take him in the car, he is uncomfortable with Mommy leaving too often to run errands when daddy gets home (which would actually be a great indication of attachment), or he may just finally be processing his new reality and grieving the loss of his old life. Remember, he lost language, caregivers, friends, food, tastes, smells, clothing and toys, his bed, everything familiar. And until now he had shown no signs of missing any of it. A delayed reaction would be better than no reaction so I am hoping this is the case.
But this means that we need to pull on the reigns a little bit and follow him on those two steps back. So visits and outings continue to be on hold and we are trying to make things smaller again for Jay. Mom will be staying closer to home, Jacob's environment will be smaller again (staying in touching distance of mom, using natural barriers to make the area he plays in smaller, closing access to parts of the house and intentionally staying in a limited area), and we wont be adding anything else new until his sleep settles again.
By making things smaller we make his environment more manageable for his coping skills and reinforce his confidence in not only his own abilities but our position as his caregiver and leader. If he can trust us he will follow our lead and look for our guidance in new environments. Once he is secure and demonstrating healthy coping we can try to expand a little bit at a time. We will continue to take a few steps forward and then have to take a step or two back when he shows we've gone beyond his ability. This is normal and expected in all adoptions.
To be able to see so much progress in our first month home is so exciting! This is a very special little boy. We are so grateful to have him in our family.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Party Animal
Amber's birthday is coming. I can't believe she'll be 7! With a birthday so close to Christmas we try to have her party early in the month each year. So last night Amber's 2 closest friends, Caity and her close friend (a big sister of one of the party guests), and I all went to the local roller rink for a little party action.
It was a bit of a mess since only 2 friends could come out of the 8 invited, the skate place does not allow outside food so we did not have cake or blow out candles (I'm too cheap to spend $100+ for the big "birthday party" with the special room when I can pay $4 per child to do the same thing without cake), and the ice cream machine was out of service so we couldn't even order the sundaes we planned to have instead of cake.
But none of that mattered to my little party animal. She had friends, loud music, glow-in-the-dark bracelets and necklaces, a couple birthday presents, and cherry Icees. Amber can have a party in any environment.
I love that little princess. She makes me laugh. She reminds me to live with joy. Amber is our happy pill. I cannot wait to watch this little girl grow up and light up the world. Happy Birthday my little party animal!
It was a bit of a mess since only 2 friends could come out of the 8 invited, the skate place does not allow outside food so we did not have cake or blow out candles (I'm too cheap to spend $100+ for the big "birthday party" with the special room when I can pay $4 per child to do the same thing without cake), and the ice cream machine was out of service so we couldn't even order the sundaes we planned to have instead of cake.
But none of that mattered to my little party animal. She had friends, loud music, glow-in-the-dark bracelets and necklaces, a couple birthday presents, and cherry Icees. Amber can have a party in any environment.
How do 6 year old girls know how to dance 'gangnam style'?
I love that little princess. She makes me laugh. She reminds me to live with joy. Amber is our happy pill. I cannot wait to watch this little girl grow up and light up the world. Happy Birthday my little party animal!
Brotherly Love
My boys bring me joy.
My camera, however, stinks. I have not been able to find the memory card for our real camera so everything gets captured on my phone. So most pictures are blurry or the lighting isn't right. No photography awards for me.
My camera, however, stinks. I have not been able to find the memory card for our real camera so everything gets captured on my phone. So most pictures are blurry or the lighting isn't right. No photography awards for me.
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