One month home- 10 steps forward, 2 steps back

Many of the books I have read refer to adoption being a "2 steps forward, 10 steps back" experience. Our first month with Jacob has been the exact opposite. We have been blessed with a '10 step forward, 2 steps back' experience. This little boy has blown me away with his abilities. In our first month together Jacob has accomplished so much:

-learning to walk
-learning baby signs: 'more', 'all done', 'up', 'milk', 'bite', 'home', 'bye-bye', 'diaper change', 'no'
-routine: Jacob was fully adjusted to the time change within 4 days home. He slept through the night our 3rd night and was napping consistently from day one.
-chewing: Jacob loves table foods and has learned to eat everything from pizza and spaghetti to cooked vegetables, fish, eggs, anything we have he wants.
-seeking comfort: Jacob would not cry when we came home. Not for pain, discomfort, loneliness, boredom, nothing. Now he is learning to cry out in pain, whine for attention, communicate boredom, and express desires.
-growth: Jacob has gained nearly 4 pounds since leaving the orphanage! I did not have a way to measure and weigh him in Russia but based on measurements I took when we arrived home he gained over 3 and 1/2 pounds and grew 3/4 of an inch since leaving Russia.

Showing progress in so many areas so quickly is a huge accomplishment for an internationally adopted child. We have had our "2 steps back" over this last weekend though. It is actually a relief to see him regressing. If everything were perfect all the time we would not be living in reality. This past weekend Jacob has cried at random intervals twice (for a child who never cries to suddenly burst out in tears is a strange experience) and has had some sleep interruptions.

Our guess is we are either moving to quickly for him by starting to take him in the car, he is uncomfortable with Mommy leaving too often to run errands when daddy gets home (which would actually be a great indication of attachment), or he may just finally be processing his new reality and grieving the loss of his old life. Remember, he lost language, caregivers, friends, food, tastes, smells, clothing and toys, his bed, everything familiar. And until now he had shown no signs of missing any of it. A delayed reaction would be better than no reaction so I am hoping this is the case.

But this means that we need to pull on the reigns a little bit and follow him on those two steps back. So visits and outings continue to be on hold and we are trying to make things smaller again for Jay. Mom will be staying closer to home, Jacob's environment will be smaller again (staying in touching distance of mom, using natural barriers to make the area he plays in smaller, closing access to parts of the house and intentionally staying in a limited area), and we wont be adding anything else new until his sleep settles again.

By making things smaller we make his environment more manageable for his coping skills and reinforce his confidence in not only his own abilities but our position as his caregiver and leader. If he can trust us he will follow our lead and look for our guidance in new environments. Once he is secure and demonstrating healthy coping we can try to expand a little bit at a time. We will continue to take a few steps forward and then have to take a step or two back when he shows we've gone beyond his ability. This is normal and expected in all adoptions.

To be able to see so much progress in our first month home is so exciting! This is a very special little boy. We are so grateful to have him in our family.