One of the most common and immediately noticeable behaviors of institutionalized orphans is rocking. Orphans learn to rock as a form of self stimulation and self soothing.
This is a video clip from a documentary on a Romanian orphanage. The conditions the children are raised in are very sad.
Jacob's orphanage was very modern and sanitary. It is touted as the best orphanage in the entire region of Tver. He received the best care we could have imagined. But regardless of a nice facility and caregivers who obviously tried very hard to give their best to the children in their care, our son was still in a group of 9 babies being cared for by 1woman at a time. It is just not possible to feed, change, clean, prepare for, and clean up after 9 babies and still manage to provide all the touching, talking, snuggling, stimulating, and teaching each baby needs. So, our son learned typical 'orphan behaviors' including rocking himself.
Since coming home, Jacob's rocking has diminished greatly. But when he does begin to rock, it is like a little red flag being raised. It is our indication that he needs help with something. Jacob will rock when he is tired, bored, scared, lonely, overwhelmed, under stimulated or overstimulated.
Jacob uses rocking to give his body input that it is missing. This is a behavior that he learned over and over again in the orphanage. He was on his own and had to learn how to soothe, stimulate, and entertain himself while confined in a small area. The easiest way to do that was to rock. Some babies shake their heads, some bang against something, some make rhythmic noises, or a combination of the three.
Babies raised at home will do a small amount of this to self soothe as well. I remember Caitlin would hum while sucking her pacifier as a baby when going to sleep. The difference is that behavior was not something that replaced her dependence on Mom. Babies raised at home learn to 'tell' someone when they are bored, tired, lonely, under stimulated or overstimulated through whining, pulling on Mom's clothing, or crying. Orphans rely on their own ability to meet these needs until they are taught otherwise.
So this means that when Jacob stops playing with his toys and begins to rock, I know he needs a change in environment or a playmate. If he is confined to something like the playpen or jumper and he begins to rock or vocalize rhythmically, he is done and needs to change activities. If his siblings are 'in his face' trying to play and talk to him, and he begins to rock, he needs space and we are teaching them to recognize and respect that sign.
This also means that even when Jacob is happy and social in a group, if he begins to rock we take action by moving to a more quiet area away from people and focus on connecting activities with Mom. If he continues to rock intensely and stops making eye contact with Mom, we leave the environment completely by going home. Or if we are at home, Mom and Jay will retreat to a quiet room to play until visitors have left.
For Jay, rocking has replaced the normal way babies express a need: crying. So even though he may seem to be smiling away as he rocks or making cute 'happy' noises while rocking, he is really telling us, "I need a little help."
Because Jacob is a charmer, he often smiles and flirts even when he is uncomfortable. His smile will resemble a grimace and he will avert his gaze just slightly to avoid direct eye contact (even though it might look like he is looking at your face). So, again, we would count this as a little red flag and would move away from the people he is engaging with even though he seems to be happy and social.
Can you tell which smile is fake?
Rocking and forced smiling are just two examples of what we watch for. But if you notice us taking Jacob into another room or suddenly disappearing from a social gathering even though it seemed like Jacob was smiling, happy, and doing great, realize we are looking at his responses with a different perspective.
No comments:
Post a Comment