Sons

Sons. That is a word I have dreamed of for years. Growing up I always pictured myself with sons. Before I was married I assumed I would have both daughters and sons. But the picture in my mind was always boys. Then I married an only child and realized more than two children may not be in my hubby's comfort zone.

There I was in my little dream of having boys. So imagine my shock when my first two children were beautiful, girly, girls. We were "done" and everything was pink. Caity was all girl and was far more interested in painting her nails than playing sports (although she did give soccer and softball a try for Mom). There were hair accessories, princess movies, frilly dresses, and jewelry.

I surprised myself and discovered girls are kinda fun. I jumped right in to dress-up and playing 'house'. I taught myself to do their hair (something I had never done for myself). I made sure they were dressed and accessorized to the hilt for every formal occasion. I painted little tiny toe nails and allowed clear lip gloss for special occasions. The collection of little purses began to grow. My world of pink became all-inclusive.

Then the unexpected happened. Brad came to me and said, "I think we should have another baby." Um, excuse me? We were done. I actually told him no. For real. I think my actual words were, "I don't think so." Amber had proven to be an extremely difficult toddler. We did not know it at the time but she was struggling with sensory processing dysfunction and life was hard for her... and me. Another baby just was not on my radar.

Being a wise and benevolent husband, Brad quietly waited. Then he brought it up again. And again. Finally he played the trump card: "I think God is asking us to have another baby. It doesn't have to be now. I just want you to know what is on my heart." Aw crumbs. Can't argue that one. I knew it too. But after he said the words I couldn't deny it anymore.

A little more time passed and I knew that this was right. We were going to have a third child.

What if it's another girl? Can I really be a good Mom to three daughters? Can I really let go of this desire for a son? I knew I had to want another baby, not another chance at a boy. I had to be prepared to hear the technician say "it's a girl" again and be excited not disappointed. I was absolutely in love with my daughters. But there was a little part of me that still desperately wanted a son.

The day of the ultrasound finally came. The technician asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Yes! It was the longest moment of my life. My heart was beating out of my chest. I strained to decipher what the technician was looking at. "Well if you look right here you can see his..." HIS. It was a boy!! I just about jumped off the table. I exclaimed in a voice much higher and louder than I intended, "Really!?"

My son. My boy. Right there on the screen.

I had to go back to that little ultrasound picture several times over the next week just to convince myself it was real. Did we really see what they said? Even up to the day he was born I couldn't believe it. Not until I saw him with my own two eyes and held him in my arms did I really believe he was mine.

Little did I know there was more to come. God had not saved the best for last. My sweet son was just the beginning of the bigger plan. The next time God spoke we were ready to follow without it being on 'our time'. I needed to talk myself into obedience to have a third child. But when it was time to be obedient again, we knew we would be blessed for jumping in with both feet. Boy were we ever blessed...