Repeat

I have noticed many patterns in our adoption experiences. With all 3 adoptions I have gone through a little phase of writer's block before we travel. I just feel quiet. I want to add posts to record the goings on before we travel. But I lack the ability.

I have been pretty quiet the last few weeks as we have waited for our approval and travel dates. It's a little bit like holding my breath during the wait. Friday I had that breath knocked right out of me when we were told that our dossier was not approved and needs to be edited. We will need to re-submit the corrected dossier April 20th and wait another 3 weeks to hear if it has been approved before receiving travel dates.

With all three of our adoptions there has been a significant delay in one or more of our trips. With Jacob we were originally told we might travel to Russia in June of 2012 to meet him. But our judge took the entire month of July for vacation so our trip was delayed until August. I still remember vividly my frustration and longing to meet my precious baby.

Journal entry May 29, 2012: Our travel might be delayed until August because our judge is taking a summer vacation for the month of July. It is hard to think of waiting another month or more longer. The end of June felt so close and August seems like an eternity away. I can't wait to hold this little boy!

Journal entry June 18, 2012: We confirmed that our travel has been delayed until August. I am focusing on the positives to try and distract me from my disappointment: 1. We can travel for the 4th of July, 2. I'll be able to focus more on making the summer fun for the kids, 3. I'll be able to coach soccer, 4. The kids will be well settled into the school routine before Mikhail comes home, 5. Our finances will have that much longer to catch up and less chance of running out of funds. I would trade it all to be there in the next 2 weeks but it is not a bad list.

With Ty we were expecting to travel to China in April of 2014. Then May. Then June. Finally we traveled in July. I remember vividly the frustration and longing to meet my sweet boy.

And now as we are experiencing our first (and hopefully only) delay in travel to Ukraine, that same frustration and longing has come yet again.

This is the part of international adoption I think I like the least. I know we will travel soon. I know I will meet my son. I know he will soon be home and in our arms. I even know all of this will happen in just a matter of weeks. But not knowing the dates of our travel, trying to plan without being able to plan, and feeling like it will never actually happen, even though I know it will, makes me a little nutty. This is a difficult. But unfortunately it just seems to be a necessary phase 'cause it has happened every time.