It has been a month already! I can't believe school starts this week. Our summer has flown by and I think it is safe to say this has been my favorite summer to date. We have gone from one fun adventure to the next. I wish every summer could be like this. Aside from the fact I am exhausted.
Things have gone pretty much the way I expected with this adoption adjustment. I still believe we have not hit full reality yet. Everything has been fun and busy. While this makes a lot of great memories and entertains everyone, it does not allow for a lot of reality. It will come. It will hit. And it will likely be hard. We see glimpses of coping happening here and there. And we have moments of pause. But for the most part we are still honeymooning.
Just this past week I have noticed changes in Ty's eating. Much like Jacob he is learning that there is always food in abundance here. He is learning some of our etiquette and rules at the table. He is learning that smacking, slurping, belching, and eating with your mouth open are not acceptable in America (or at least at our table). He is learning that mom and dad cannot be manipulated when it comes to food. We do not require him to eat what is offered. And he knows there is always healthy food available if he chooses not to eat (like fresh fruits and raw vegetables). But he is learning that desserts and treats only happen for those who have made some effort on the nutritious foods offered at meal time (there is always at least one thing he "likes" offered at mealtime).
Since our camping trip I have noticed changes in the way Ty expresses affection. Before our trip he would try to find ways to "accidentally" receive affection rather than being open about his desire for touch. He would 'trip' into my arms or bump into me or taunt me into chasing him knowing that I would wrap my arms around him to catch him. In the past week he he decided snuggling feels really good. Laying his head in my lap and even asking to be rubbed or stroked is becoming common.
I am noticing Ty trying to figure out what makes mom and dad different from other adults. His increase in physical attention with me has been tested on other adults (often while watching for my response). We have warned other adults in Ty's life at this time (Sunday School teachers, School teacher, and extended family) not to allow Ty into their personal bubble for a time to encourage a healthy bond with parents. They have been amazing about this and Ty is noticing! He is trying to work out what the difference is between parents and other adults. Mom and Dad snuggle. Mom and Dad hug and gaze into his eyes. Mom and Dad comfort him when he needs it. It is so valuable to have the other adults in his life reinforcing this to him by not offering those same responses!
Ty has done a complete 180 in his responses to pain and discomfort since coming home. During the first week we were home he was constantly getting injured. He rarely cried and would usually respond by slapping the injured area and jumping back up to try whatever he was doing again. After about a week he started accepting my response and would stoically stifle his cries but allow my comfort. Now we have actually started calling him The Diva. He has become ultra sensitive to injury and looks immediately for my response. We are at the opposite extreme from where he started and expect that he will settle back into a more normal pain response once he can trust that mom will always be there to comfort him when he needs it and make it better. No need to over do it.
We have moments of reflection and quiet that tell me our boy is processing the changes and losses. At least once a week I directly guide him to an activity that helps him think of China. We put pictures in photo albums. We watch videos from the orphanage. We watch his YouTube video. We Skype with our guide or Ty's friends who are home. I am always watching for signs that Ty needs some quiet time to reflect. I suspect much harder times are ahead. But for now our boy is a superstar.
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