Twins

I wrote this post 9 days ago but thought I would add to it or edit it before posting. The next day we received travel dates and I have been in a whirlwind ever since. So, this was me 9 days ago:

Up until now it has felt like I can't do anything to prepare for this trip. Without travel dates I can't make arrangements for the household while I'm away. I can't begin packing myself. I can't schedule play dates or plan ride arrangements. Brad can't give notice to his employer. We can't finish the budgeting or purchase tickets or make hotel arrangements. Without sizes for the boys I can't inventory their hand me downs or make shopping lists of what they will need. I can't pack their bags or arrange their closets. We just can't do anything other than wait.

I finally received updated measurements for Nathan and Aiden this week. Now I have something to do!

We knew from the videos and pictures that Nathan is super skinny. We did not realize how little he is. According to weight he should still be in a booster seat. His height only passes the requirement by a couple inches. I had set aside two different sizes of clothes guessing he would be one of the two. I had to put them both away and pull out a size smaller. Belts are number one on the packing list as I am confident the 'slim' sizes we have may still be too wide for him. We have always called Drew our "pocket sized boy" and "tiny man." It looks like he will finally not be alone in those titles. I am so in love with the idea of another little guy in the family. Awesome, amazing, wonderful things come in small packages. And feisty little fighters come in small packages too...

Aiden's measurements are almost exactly what I expected: just a little taller than Ty and a few pounds lighter. But comparing measurements and realizing how close they are in age caused a light bulb to come on in my mind. We are going to have twins. In every sense of the word these boys will be the same age. Chronologically (based on estimated birth dates, remember) they are 6 months apart. We have felt from the first day we met Ty that he is much older than his estimated age. And in pictures and videos Aiden strikes us as younger than his estimated age. Technically, Ty could be older than Aiden. But the reality is sinking in: we are 'twinning' our most challenging child (who, interestingly enough, has been wonderful lately. I hope it sticks through the coming transitions...).

Twins.

All I can say is this match could only have been made in Heaven. They may hate each other. This might completely bomb. And for that very reason I believe only God would have chosen this arrangement. Something special is in this recipe. I can't wait to see what Aiden is going to bring to this family.

Brad asked me just last night if this 'phase' of our adoptions has always been dramatic. Yes, Dear. It always has. Waiting for the dang travel date is ALWAYS the hardest part of the process. I have countless journal entries and blog posts from every past experience to prove it. There is just no way to enjoy, or at least ignore, the pre-travel drama.

As of this morning there is a tiny chance remaining that I will depart two weeks from today. No plane ticket, no hotel arrangements, no suitcases out, but I may have less than 14 days to go. There is also a chance, however, that because of a holiday in China if I do not leave 14 days from now I will not be able to travel until the last possible day to pick Nathan up before he ages out. Unless we can convince provincial offices to make exceptions and operate on non-standard days. It feels like an 'all-or-nothing' moment even though it likely won't be. Just part of the usual drama.

So, in the mean time, we continue to whittle away at the last fundraising goals and just live each day. Brad has been blessed with side work so we are keeping our weekends full and enjoying the projects together. Daddy is still traveling each week for work so we are working hard to keep things as stable as possible at home as emotions start to climb for the kids. Conversations of mom traveling and new brothers coming home are bringing out the usual anxieties and fears in each of the kids. This is where it starts to get a little sporty.

Last night we had 'The Call' with our agency support desk. Every time we prepare for travel the agency support desk gets in touch with us to 'prepare' us for placement. This time the conversation seemed to start every sentence with "I know you guys are seasoned and experienced, I can tell you have a great support system in place and you are very resourceful, but..." This is their opportunity to get parents thinking about the what-if's and creating action plans for worst case scenarios. I appreciate the effort. But this time it felt like I was reassuring them rather than the other way around. Yes, we have thought of that. Yes, we are prepared for that. Yes, we understand what we are getting into. Yes, we are choosing this.

It's about to get crazy around here. This next two weeks will be the top of the roller coaster right before it lets go. There WILL be at least a moment of terror. That moment when your stomach is 5 feet behind you and you can't breath yet. It might be Aiden or Nathan. It might be Ty or Justin. It might be Drew or Amber or Jacob. It might be every single one of us. We are headed into the unknown. Our family will need to grow in more than the physical sense. But this is not the first time we have ridden a ride like this. The exhilaration is also guaranteed. There WILL also be a moment when we cannot hold back the smile and laughter. There will be a moment we want to throw our hands in the air to completely surrender and enjoy the ride. There will be twists and turns and other stomach dropping moments. But every single time we have exclaimed with enthusiasm: "Let's do that again!"

Yes, we are choosing this. No, you do not need to point it out to me in the 'stomach-five-feet-behind-me' moment. We will be okay. It's the hands-in-the-air-smiling-and-laughing moments that make people think we are doing something amazing. But we have strapped in for the entire ride. Dips, turns, twists and all. We trust The One who is holding us safely in our seats. He built the ride. He knows every turn and loop. He maintains the equipment and keeps us safe.

I can't wait to start the ride.