Every child

Which children are in need? Which children deserve homes? Which children will live a completely different life in a family? Which children will forever be changed by the love of devoted parents?

Are there children that are in greater need than others? Are there children who should be looked over or set aside because their need is 'not as great' as another? If a child is in 'the best' orphanage do they not deserve a loving family? If a child is medically 'healthy' should they wait a shorter or longer time than a child with a severe need? If a child is near death should they be allowed to slip away without the love of a parent? If a child has already spent the majority of their growing up years in an orphanage are they better left behind? If a child has living relatives that refuse to claim them are they less of an orphan?

This is a concept that I struggle with. With a number as big as 143 million orphans how can I make a difference with one? And how do I know which one? Everyone knows the story of the starfish. And I have heard before the idea of not being able to change anything for all of them but being able to change everything for one of them.

Is there some magic line that can be drawn in the sand? Some way to say, "I can accept this one, but not that one."

Many cultures do exactly that. They draw very rigid, palpable lines that shout, "Only these are acceptable!" Children with 'special needs' are often discarded and unvalued. And even children that we would consider healthy or 'typical' are branded for life as a lower class because they were left as orphans.

The paperwork from the courts in Russia referred to our son as an 'inmate'. We laughed when we first heard that statement read, assuming it was a translation error. We were then corrected and told that the word 'inmate' is an accurate description of an orphan. Had our son continued to grow up in Russia without being adopted his identification papers would forever label him as an orphan. It is like a brand. And it remains throughout life.

Our son was being raised in an orphanage touted as the best in the region. While he had diagnoses listed in his medical file, here in America no one would ever classify him as a "special needs" child. He is a very typical, healthy, happy, and charming child. We were even fortunate enough to receive his referral while he was still very young. Almost as young as possible for an international referral.

Was he less deserving? Did he have less of a need?

Now, as we prepare to pursue our adoption from China, we have been presented with a list of special needs. We are to mark which special needs we feel confident accepting. While I appreciate this process and the fact that China and the agencies here in America want prospective adoptive parents to enter into the adoption process educated and with eyes wide open, that question comes to mind again: Where is the 'line'? Do I believe that a child with a limb difference is acceptable but refuse to consider a child with Cerebral Palsy? Or perhaps a child who will be branded as 'special needs' because of a birth mark or color blindness is less deserving than a child with down syndrome or heart disease because, surely, someone else will want to adopt them?

And we continually are asked by friends, family, and strangers why we will be going "all the way to China" when there are orphans here in the US. Are the children of China less deserving? Or the other way around?

The answer to all these questions is the same. Every orphaned child is in need. Every orphaned child deserves a home. Every orphaned child will live a completely different life in a family. Every orphaned child will forever be changed by the love of devoted parents and family.

Special needs or typical, young or old, foreign or domestic, they all need families.