Blown Away

I am in awe today and I need to take a minute to give some praises to my boy and my Father in Heaven. Justin is such an amazing kid.

Our experience post adoption this time has been so different than the first two adoptions. I'll go into more detail about the cocoon (or seeming lack thereof) in another post. But signs of coping and enough trust to show some real emotions is happening so much faster this time around. I think this has to do with both age and language ability. Justin is absorbing so much more. He is aware of so much more. And he is able to express so much more.

We have had several little moments of emotion, worry, and frustration from Justin over the past weeks. And honestly, each time I have been mostly impressed with his responses and ability to talk himself through them.

But today took the cake. And I am down right proud.

In the beginning weeks and months all of our boys have pushed the limits on various rules as they begin to trust and understand us. "Okay, these people act like they love me, so how far can I really take it?"

The last few days Justin has been pushing the limits on the use of his kindle. When I ask him to turn it off it is, "Just a minute." And a 'minute' seems to be getting longer and longer. So today when I asked the first time making a general announcement to the entire room wile turning the little kids' movie off, followed a minute later by a direct instruction to Justin, followed by another less patient request another minute later of, "Justin, I need you to turn it off now, not when you are ready" only to realize he was ignoring me to play Subway Surfer, I decided he had bumped up against the limit.

I calmly yet firmly plucked the kindle out of his hands and replied to his, "Mom!" with, "I do not need to ask more than once." I took the kindle to my bedroom and put it away where he would not have access to it. As I walked back out of my room he passed me in the hall and yelled, "I only need few minutes!" So I turned and followed him into his room and mustered all of the energy I had to move calmly, speak calmly, and show calm gentle emotions. This is hard for me. I'm pretty sure I was receiving heavenly help. I simply said, "I should only ask once. If I ask twice it is a problem. If I ask 3 times I will take it."

Then he tried it. He played his highest card and fired his biggest rocket. I knew this one would come eventually. I have been preparing myself for months to hear these words:

"I want go back to Ukraine!"

I don't normally share these kinds of details here. But I think it is so important to paint a realistic picture. And I also want to make it clear why I think this kid is amazing.

Two weeks. He has been away from his home for a little over two weeks. School will start next week. Soccer practice has started. Routines are falling into place and they are nothing like anything he has ever experienced. This is not home yet. Homesickness has set in. And that little voice in the back of his head is saying, "They don't really love you. They wont always be this nice. The moment you screw up you'll see it's all just been an act."

This is what really happens when you come home. They are children. Scared little boys and girls who have been taken (even if they willingly sought you, a family, out) from everything they know and love. There is a fear in their mind that no one has ever really loved them. They are not good enough. They don't deserve this new "Daddy Warbucks" life. This right here is where it can get ugly.

But, you know what happened today?

This kid blew me away.

I left that room shaking a little bit. His words didn't hurt the way I thought they would. I was not rattled by his yelling and frustration. I wasn't concerned about his responses. But I was definitely coaching myself through mentally. "Don't go back in, just give him time to work through this. Don't worry, he's just feeling homesick and scared. It's happening a little sooner than you thought but you knew this was coming."

After inviting him to join us one more time as though nothing were out of the ordinary, we went for our walk without him. When we came back he was face down on his bed. I gave him space. When he finally emerged from his room I told him we were having popsicles outside and he could come have one too. I smiled. I looked him in the eye. I tried to make it feel like a reset. He came outside and had a popsicle.

About half an hour later he asked me for my translator (on my phone). He typed me this message through the translator:

I am sorry for what I said, I did not want that to happen, I want to set the record. I understand you work hard to teach me to live in a big family, please forgive.

I was shocked. Is this kid really 15? Is he really a previous orphan only home for 2 weeks? Is he really the boy I know from the history I heard in Ukraine?

I immediately smiled, wrapped my arm around him and said, "We will talk about this later. I am very proud of you. This is really good." He nodded his head with an unsure look on his face.

We arrived home at nap time (a time he is usually allowed to have the kindle). And as I was putting Jacob to bed I heard Justin in the kitchen doing the dishes. The other night we had asked him to do the dishes before using the kindle simply because he had asked at an off time after a long day of game playing and we wanted to say yes even though it wasn't actually time. He knew doing the dishes was an activity that could earn him the kindle.

I retrieved it before coming into the room. As I walked in he saw me carrying it and said, "Mom look!" motioning toward the empty sink. I smiled, gave him a big hug and said, "Thank you." Then I handed him the kindle and said, "This time when I need it back I will tell you 'two minutes' and set a timer so you will know." He replied with, "deal."

The rest of the day every time I gave that two minute notice he leaped off the couch to plug in his kindle on the counter.

This kid. Hand-picked by Heavenly Father to do something amazing. I can feel it. Even if it is simply overcoming his past and becoming an amazing member of society with a chance at family and true life. But I suspect it is so much more than that...